Settle-ing.

There has been a theme throughout my days for the last few months of my life. I have never felt it before. Maybe I was too busy before to feel it. It caught me a little off guard, made me put up some defenses for a while, simply because it did not fit into my picture of how I thought things would continue to go.

I think I have been wanting to settle.

Yikes.

I know, I know, I was shocked too.

Not necessarily with anyone and most assuredly not with anyone specifically, mind you.

But just not be on the go so much. Stay in one place longer.

Maybe buy a sofa.

Yeah, I haven’t ever done that before.

Why, you might ask? Because I have never had need for one, I thought. If I ever needed to sit down, I had a bed, or a kitchen table, or definitely more oftentimes used, the front seat of my car.
Yeah, my brain DOES think like that, I assure you.
Did I ever tell you that in the last two years there was this 10 month period where I didn’t sleep more than 5 consecutive nights in the same bed?
Most of this was by my choosing, and to be honest, I absolutely loved it. I think I pride myself on it. But that lifestyle has a tendency to wear a person down. And like someone who feels they need to “catch up on their sleep,” I feel like I need to “catch up on my staying.”

This concept of settling, then, is really foreign, because clearly it has not been something I do too well. Or have ever attempted to do. I have never put roots down. I have moved numerous times, made amazing friendships, but roots? No. I have thought of myself as one of those plants that grow on top of the water, just kind of floating there.
I guess I am no longer relishing that fact. Being a nomad has lost its luster.

I don’t know why I am surprised I was a “nomad” for a while.

Years and years ago I started thinking about Bedouins. The only thing I can think to blame this fact on is Sting’s song Desert Rose which makes me feel like I am in Morocco. And I love feeling like I am in Morocco. I imagine Bedouins live in Morocco (I don’t actually think they do, though). I think I have idealized it in my head.
Anyway. In my idealized thinking I was looking through pictures and pictures and pictures of Bedouin tents.
Like these:

Please notice the camels. You can't be a true Bedouin without camels.

It brings on a sense of abandonment in me. As in, if God calls, being willing to abandon all earthly possessions and just GO. Immediately. Throw everything I need to survive in one tote bag and GO (which is why I design tote bags for a living).
In these feelings of abandonment I prayed one day, “Lord, I would live in a tent with you.” It was my way of putting him above all other things.

Years past and I found myself in the said condition of nomadicism (I just made up that word). One day, sitting on my bed (and not my non-existent couch), I was doing my devotions, seeing all kinds of things I could easily abandon and the thought crossed my mind, “This is that tent we talked about, isn’t it?”

I guess God makes you be true to the vows you make.

I smiled. Thanking him for the GO-ing time, knowing that he was the one who ordained it, and I have learned that anything ordained by him is the BETTER thing. So that was the life I lived.

Well now, in his ordained-ness, the nomadicism (there is that word again)seems to be coming to an end, at least in the encompassing sense.

And the settling-in feelings have begun.

I will talk later on the “Building a Life” concept I have also been rolling around in my head, but for today I will enjoy the benefits of settled-ness: Like my own bed, and knowing how to make coffee in my coffee pot, and doing laundry without having to ask someone.

And tomorrow?

I will pack a suitcase again. Why? Because this weekend I will be off on another big GO-ing. I don’t think I am going to tell you where I am going, but rather give you clues.

Clue #1: A very well-used spice has its origins in this country.

Happy Guessing, wolfies. Go where he tells you.