Drops.

A while ago I mentioned that I am going on an overseas missions trip this summer. Ah!
So lately I have been frantically running around trying to get my ever-lengthening list done.

And frantic, ever-lengthening lists make me frantic and feeling like "butter scraped over too much bread." And when I am frantic my heart is not at rest.
Which, by the way, I function better with a heart at rest.
Which, by the way, is something I am praying I have on my trip...and in my life.

The task of this trip just seems so....so....big.
Kind of overwhelming.

I mean, who do I think I am? Some stranger, going somewhere I don't speak the language, to an entirely different culture, to a people who live completely removed from how I do, stepping into the middle of their life for some insignificant amount of time. To do what? Tell them how some God they don't believe in loves them and wants to have a relationship with them and has some beautiful plan for this crazy world.

That is so BIG, Wolfies. So big. And I am just so NOT.
I am some girl who runs around frantic trying to get a stupid list done, praying she can handle the heat, feeling overwhelmed by how, even if I did some huge ministry over there...it wouldn't even be a drop in the bucket in relation to the need in the world. Or even in that country. Or that village.

My life here is small. Which I have come to good terms with.
But my ministry there will be even smaller, I feel. Which I suppose I have to be ok with.

Do you know how I feel? Like there is so much to do, but so little time? And the time you do have you fill with things of no value? And even if you had all the time in the world, it wouldn't be enough. YOU wouldn't be enough? You have so LITTLE to give?

Know this: you are not alone in your feelings. Don't think that everybody else gets way more done than you do. Because even I, the girl who lives to do projects, gets nothing done most days.

I was reading through Mark the other day and came across that story of the old widow who put those two coins in the collection plate (Mark 12:41-44). Jesus had just watched the wealthy, those who have much, putting in these large sums, and then going about their days. Then it says he saw the widow come and put in a minor amount of money. Two cents.
Yet, he said that she put in more than any other.
Why? Because she gave out of her lack.
Most people don't give when they have nothing to give. Because they feel it's just a drop in the bucket; they think it doesn't matter anyway.

But, if there is one thing I have discovered about being a Christian and living under the rule of this great and powerful God, it's this:
Whatever the culture will tell you is good and worthwhile and important and of great value, almost always the opposite is actually true.

I know how money works in this world. The more you have, the "better off" you are. The greater amounts you give, the more "generous" you are. The more you save, the "safer" you are.

But....I don't really think that's true....
Not in the actual reality we can't see with our eyes, that is. In this false, Matrix-esque thing we call earth, maybe, but our kingdom transpires that, and that's where our real truth has to come from.

I mean, Jesus said that two cents given was worth more than large sums given, because even when she had nothing she gave out of her nothing. She was willing to sacrifice all that she had left to at least make a little bit more of a difference.

You and I could think that two cents is a drop in the bucket. And in this false reality I suppose it is.
But in the real all-the-opposites-are-actually-true kingdom realiy, do you know what Jesus says is the drop in the bucket?

"Behold, the nations are as a drop in the bucket, and are counted as the small dust of the balance: behold, he takes up the isles as a very little thing." Isaiah 40:15

The nations?! You mean all of that stuff I watch on the news? All of the big governments and rallies and movements and treasuries and presidencies and masses and who knows what else that is national?

Drop.In.The.Bucket.


Because the true Kingdom Reality states:
Two cents = great value.
Nations = drop in the bucket.


So, I have to ask myself in what category do I put my insignificant two weeks helping people I don't know?
Is it of great value? Or is it a drop in the bucket, as my cultural brain would tell me to fear?

From these passages I suppose that depends on my heart.
Will I be there on my own initiative, my own doing? Will I be there in this worldly reality, thinking that nations and great sums are what makes a difference? Or will I choose to think counter-culturally, Biblically, believing that God values when I give everything? Even if I feel like all I have to give is nothing...

And I suppose it depends on what God I will be serving when I am there (me or him?)

Because, if I am doing it for me, I am insignificant and my two weeks will be insignificant, and I will be a drop in the bucket as I feel.

But, if I am doing it for God, two weeks--my drop in the bucket ministry-- won't be so insignificant.
Why?
Because God takes that which is nothing, and makes it something. In his eyes he sees something.

While praying through this thought process of doubt I found myself in the somewhat obscure book of Habakkuk.
Chapter 3:6 "He stood and measured the earth; he looked and shook the nations; then the eternal mountains were scattered; the everlasting hills sank low. His were the everlasting ways."

Isn't that so cool!?!? He shakes the nations---those drops in the bucket--- because they are nothing. They come and they go.
Yet, his ways, all of that madness about two cents being something, those are the everlasting ways.
And all of my insignificancies, in his kingdom, are maybe not so nothing.
Which is a great assurance. That which we do for the Eternal One, even if we think it's just a drop in the bucket to us or mere dust on the scales, to him they weigh more than the shakeable nations.
Which, if I choose to cling to that reality, brings rest back to my heart.