The only obvious next stop, then, was to Instagram-stalk some of my favorite bloggers (who wear lots of great color) and see what I needed to get into my closet.
But herein lies the problem. Me, being a smart-phone novice (I don't believe in that tech stuff yet), didn't contemplate the fact that I would be seeing more pictures than just their colorful outfits.
No. There they were, eating and drinking in adorable cafes, having adventures in orchards and cities and Paris streets and buying amazing deer antlers in Texas.
And suddenly I didn't just want to wear more color. Other feelings and wants were surfacing, too.
Was I re-thinking my life?
I thought and thought and thought.
Surely not. I love my life. I love where it has been, I love where it is, I love where it's going.
So what was that?
What were my mind and heart and emotions telling me I was missing?
Then I knew. See, I wasn't really jealous of those colorful blogger's lives. No. And I wasn't even jealous of their activities; I have eaten and drunk in adorable cafes, and had adventures in orchards and cities and on Paris streets and in antique stores surrounded by furs and antlers in Texas.
That's not it.
But....well....Instagram wasn't really IN (or INvented, whichever) when all that stuff was happening to me.....so.....so.....you and the masses never saw me doing all that stuff.
That's what I was feeling.
I was before the time of gaining all those followers.
I never got so many "likes" to know that you all approved of me.
And suddenly, as I was scrolling through a picture tour of their lives I felt like I wanted all of you to know those things about MY life....
Wait wait wait.
Hold the phone.
Why in the world did I want you all to know that stuff about me?
What good would that do for me?
Would it make you like me more? Think I was cooler? Want to hang out with me?
Why should I care?
Why was I caring?
I have been reading through the book of John a lot lately and I am continuously confronted by how he keeps saying things like "the Son can do nothing by himself..." (John 5:12) or "If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid..." (5:31) or "He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself..." (7:18) or "I am not seeking glory for myself.." (8:50) or "If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing.." (8:54). Over and over again this is what he, the God of all universes who came in human form, says about himself. He is not here for his own glory.
Even though he is the only one who has any legitimate claim to glory. But yet he did not come to glorify himself.
Crazy.
Crazy different from humanity.
Isn't it great that God just isn't like us at all?
Isn't it startling how not like God we are?
Because there he is, not seeking anything for himself, admitting that if he were to glorify himself it wouldn't be valid, and here I am, wondering if you all should know about all the cool stuff I have done with my life.
Blah. Blah blah blah.
My own thoughts make me want to gag.
Do you know what I mean? Being so offended by your own heart....
And I see this happening all the time in my life, now that I am looking for ways that I desire to showcase my own glory.
Over and over again; I am more than happy to tell you and everyone else ALL about me.
"So, what do you do?" I get asked. And my initial thought, "Well wouldn't I love to tell you...." or "Have you ever traveled anywhere?" someone will say to me, only then to find my brain instantly wanting to respond with, "Everywhere," despite the fact that that of course is not even true. But I want them to THINK it's true. So I name a few places, letting them think that the reason I am not naming more places is because of course I want to be humble (not because I actually haven't been there, which would be the truth).
Because, honey, I am overwhelmingly human and you better believe that my MO is to seek my own glory.
*Gag.
And speaking of Gag, or Gaga, rather. While I give no practice to the listening to of Lady Gaga, I was flipping through the radio a while back and heard this really catchy jam, only to be shocked when the song ended and I was told by the DJ that I had been rocking to a Lady Gaga song.
In expecting to be assaulted by a barrage of heinous lyrics, when I looked up the words to what I had been jamming to I was pleasantly surprised to see words and phrases that were nothing more than............honest.
While I do not typically think she is an expert on the human nature, this time, I admit, she nails it:
....If only fame had an I.V......
I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause
Give me that thing that I love
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
See, here is her reality; she has gotten the glory this world can give:
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| Is that a pirate ship?!! |
I wish I was less like Lady Gaga. I wish I didn't have thoughts like, "I should have had Instagram 6 years ago." I wish I didn't feel this overwhelming desire for people to KNOW what I have done and where I have been and subsequently give appropriate honor.
Why can't we just do what we do and enjoy what we do and leave it at that? Why are we all so human, so not like Christ? SO self-glorifying?
Is it cliche for me to say? Yes.
Am I going to say it regardless? Yes.
It's because we ARE so human, we ARE so self-glorifying.
And THAT, Wolfies, is also why Jesus came. Because left to our own devices all we do is seek our own glory and approve or disapprove of all the others.
And so he came. Not in his own legitimate glory. Not in the power he could have. Not in the force it would have taken him no effort to conjure.
He came as a helpless baby, and as a man in a body susceptible to heat and exhaustion and dehydration and bruising and bleeding and death.
He came humbly, not seeking his own glory SO THAT we, the self-glory-seekers, would see him, and would know the stark real contrast between who he is and who we most assuredly are, and in that point of KNOWING would see the overwhelming truth that we have NO glory in ourselves. Whether we seek it ourselves or are bestowed with it by others.
He came in humility so we would know our vanity, and in that knowing fall at his feet, shedding our fake crowns and dismissing the approvals and applause we have received from all the other glory-seekers.
He humbly came for all the self-exalting. You, me, and Lady Gaga alike.
