What we can do.

A certain highlight of my week comes on Tuesday mornings. I lead a Bible study of the cutest little 13 year old girls from my neighborhood and they are just….the best.
I like to think that over those cups of cocoa and platters of muffins I am teaching them how to be good runners: runners to the Lord, runners away from sin, runners to the lost, bound, and bruised. But really, it’s not me, of course, if they are taking anything away from it. It’s Jesus. But I am doing what I can do.
They are “good” girls, raised in Christian homes, but I don’t ever want them to think that that’s enough. Their faith isn’t worth much until they are doing much with their faith.

When I was in high school I did more than a little bit of speech and drama, so last week when the drama coach asked me to come in and critique/coach some students I jumped at the opportunity.

Oh man. Talk about memories flooding back! Being in the same coaching room, being in the same theatre, walking the same hallways—all places I have not been since I was in high school.

And speaking of high school, have I ever told you that all of this long hair is a new addition?

London, junior year of high school.

Anyway, it was the most surreal feeling being back in the drama department. I almost didn’t know what to do with myself.

And as I sat there, critiquing and coaching these kids—kids I don’t know and who don’t know me—I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by this crazy kind of love to know these kids, to invest into their lives, to tell them that there is more beyond that crappy home life I see creeping into their acting, stripping them of their dignity, confidence, positive outlook, and replacing it with fear, bitterness, and apathy.

That’s just the way of the devil isn’t it? To capitalize upon someone’s misfortunes and weaknesses (Romans 7:7-8). He does what he can.

“You’ve got a crappy home life?” the devil asks. “Great, now I am going to make you think all those things your parents say about you is true.”

“You struggle with depression? Excellent. Now I am going to make you depressed that you are depressed.”

“Your desire is to covet? Have you seen the car the neighbors just bought?”

“Greed? Oh don’t worry…the greed will go away when you make another few thousands of dollars.”

I came away wanting to cry, or punch the devil, or run back into the department and yell “It doesn’t have to be like this! I promise!! There is an answer to all of this!!”

God must have heard my heart: Something has come up that I think will get me into their lives. I hope so. Either way, I am praying for them; it's something I can do.

My heart just goes out to miserable people who don’t know the Lord, you know?

I have been studying the Law a lot lately, both at church, home, small group. It seems to be coming up everywhere.

I am so convicted of how all of us are such terrible law breakers, full of no good thing, deserving of every nasty thing that could/has/does happen to us.

Mercy is a miracle, you know that? And like most miracles, it doesn’t make a bit of sense.

Jesus, the God of this universe, came to become the curse that was on us, the curse that is on those kids, the curse that is on your co-workers, family members, whoever. He took that law, all of those things we cannot fulfill, and he said, “All of the perfection you do not possess but that I do, is yours. And all of that corruption that is your only possession that I have no portion of, I will take as mine. Where you are powerless to save, I have come to deliver. All that the law made you powerless to do, I will do.”

 It’s the old story, I know. It’s the gospel. Jesus did what needed to be done. But the older I get, the more I see my need for it. The more I see of the world, the more I see the world’s need for it. And the more I see the world’s need for it I am like, “I don’t care what it takes: take the world, give me Jesus, and let me give him to others. This world is just not doing it for me anymore.”

 A best friend of mine wrote an article the other day and made an excellent point warning against confusing contentment with apathy.

Have we fallen there, Wolfies? Are we confusing apathy towards the world with contentment towards the gospel? Erasing the call to share the gospel by only telling ourselves that God’s got it covered? Not doing what we can do?!!?

I sigh. There is so much to do. The gospel is not ours to keep. Most of the world needs to hear it, and even some of those who have heard it now need to be taught what to do with it.

Can we do it all? No.

But Jesus already has.
Can we save all? No.
But Jesus already died for all.
Can we do what we can do? Oh kids, my prayer is that we WOULD do what we can do. My prayer is that we would be runners. Runners TO God, away from sin, towards the broken.

Choices, choices.

It is an old phrase that says, “Life is full of choices: choose wisely.”

Can any of you say “Amen” to that? Whether your concurrence comes from personal experience or through intelligent observation of others is unimportant. The point of the matter remains that we all not only acknowledge that statement’s truth, but that we practice it; for what good does good knowledge do if it does you absolutely no good? I believe Solomon would call that a “vanity.” And vanities are no bueno.

Above my treadmill is a verse on a plaque; it’s my mother’s. She’s a wise woman.

“Choose you this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,” (Joshua 24:15) the plaque says.

It is a choice, isn’t it? This choosing who we will serve, who we will say “Yes” to. It’s a choice I feel I choose wrongly more often than I want to admit, to myself or to you or to the Lord.

Yet, what a glorious choice. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, those of us who answered his initial call now have the option of making that choice. Every day. We no longer have to say “yes” to our instincts, to our culture, to the sway of the “prince of the air.”

We can say “no” to all of that now. We have been given the choice.

As I was treading along on that running mill the other night I thought about what a comfort it is to know that I have a good option. Because if you think about it, all the other options, i.e. all the things that the world has to choose from, are not wise choices. They take more than they give and what they give isn’t much in the first place.

Think about it. Aren’t you glad that you can trust in the Lord, the one who owns all the cattle on a thousand hillsides (Psalm 50:10), rather than trusting in money, which can be stolen, lost, embezzled, or—which most of us know a lot about—inflated so much that our sum isn’t worth much anymore anyway?

Or what about our bodies and our health? How terrible it would be to have our trust in those, since they can get broken, diseased, defiled and killed without any prior consent and without any warning. Or at the very least they age; not affording us the freedoms and abilities we once had so much trust in.

I think about putting my trust in things, possessions. These, too, can be stolen, burned, flooded, ruined by moths, chewed by dogs, destroyed by muddy feet.

Intellect? There is always someone smarter than you, always someone who can and will eventually outwit you. That’s assuming you don’t lose your mind against your will to some type of disease, drug, or accident.

There are a lot of people who put their hope in governments. In kings, in princes, in presidents, in prime ministers, in theories of equality. But what good is trusting in something that you typically outlive? I mean, the overwhelming majority of people in this world will see multiple kings come, and multiple kings go. We will see numerous presidents win, and numerous presidents lose. We will see governments rise, and governments fall. These things are always changing; ideologies are like pendulum swings. One good riot and the whole thing gets thrown off kilter, catapulting us towards another idiotic extreme.

And how humiliating a situation to be in when all you worked for and all you trusted in all of the sudden does you no good?

You workout for hours and hours and hours, and you eat nothing that contains dye or high fructose corn syrup or growth hormones so that you can have a strong, healthy, active body your whole life. But then you get in a car accident that paralyzes you from the neck down. What happens to your trust in your body then, when you can’t even make it lift its own arm?

Or all of that money we strive and strive and strive to put away in the bank? And we sacrifice time with our families and time with our kids and time inputting into the lives of others, so that we have time to make that money. Then the stock market crashes. Or then you have hyper-inflation. How humiliated will we all be when it gets to the point where…what’s that phrase… “A bag of gold for a loaf of bread”? Will we not all be shamed to say, “Well, I thought I would be able to buy myself out of these troubles.” And the hours we spent virtually killing ourselves, while not being with the people we love and the people who need us, to put another thousand in the bank we can’t get back and it turned out to be a waste of our time. A somber day that will be when the realization hits, that’s for sure.

When our money no longer has any value, where are we going to turn to?

When our bodies no longer do what we tell them to do, then what are we trusting in?

When our government reaches its zenith of corruption, who will we turn to to help us out?

See, the world doesn’t have any other choices. Their choices are their money, their possessions, their relationships, their intellect, their bodies.

But you and me? The children of God? We have a better choice.
Ours is the One who holds all that we are together in the palm of his hand (Col 1:17). Our choice is the One who says “You who have no money, come, buy, and eat…and your soul will delight in the richest of fare,” (Isaiah 55). Ours is the one who frustrates the wisdom of the world (I Cor. 1:19), who laughs at kings that plot against him (Psalm 2), who removed the sting of death (I Cor. 15:54-57), who reconciles all things to himself (II Cor. 5:18-19), who raises kings and dethrones kings (Romans 13:1), who does not let the guilty go unpunished (Nahum 1:3) and who works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28).

Now that is what I call a good choice.

How nerve wracking, then, to have placed your trust in something that changes; to have made the bad choice. To trust in someone that dies and goes away, in something that has lost its dependability, in a commodity that loses its value, in any substance that can be ruined against your will. Always with the potential that you have to change what you trust in; you have to find something new to believe in.

A sick feeling it would be to have the basis of your trust changed.

For the believer, though, our choice is secure. For we are to choose whom we will serve, and the choice that we can make is the best one; the only choice that will outlive US.

“I, the Lord, do not change,” (Malachi 3:6), “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever,” (Hebrews 13:8), “The Lord is enthroned as King forever,” (Psalm 29:10), he “does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17), and “from everlasting to everlasting” he is God (Psalm 90:2).
Is it any wonder then that God tells us “Stop trusting in man , who has but breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?” (Isaiah 2:22)? And shouldn’t God be the one to tell us that? For isn’t he the one who, far above having just breath in him, breathes LIFE into things (Genesis 2:7)? Clearly choosing to trust in someone who has breath of lesser quality is not the wisest choice.

Wolfies, I could go on and on. The comparison is naught. For those of us who have the option to choose, unlike our peers of the world, let’s not make a bad choice, ok? For we will become like what we place our trust in (Psalm 115:8). We only have two options: be tossed around like a wave of the sea (Jude 13), or be conformed to the image of the One who sets boundaries for the oceans (Job 38:8-11).

Choose wisely.

Request.

Hello there.

It’s been too long, if you ask me.

I am working on this big project for an expo this weekend and in my trying to avoid an onslaught of panic I have just been working like mad, doing little else.

Clearly, blogging is included in the list of things I am not doing.

Roses....don't just happen, let's say that.

At the same time, I have like 5 or 6 things I want to tell you. Ideas that I am not sure where they came from.
Well, I am sure they came from Jesus. But just out of nowhere. No warning. They are all still mulling in my brain. One of them is so random and obscure even that I don’t even know if I want to confess that I think things like this and gladly walk down these bunny trails.
I’ll pray about it.

First things first, though. I need you all to do me a big favor. Can you pray for a 13 year old boy I know named Michael? He was skiing in Canada this week and suffered a terrible accident. Currently he has come out of his coma, but he doesn’t seem to know who any of his family is, and he seems to be in a lot of pain. Or that’s what they are surmising is the reason for why he screams from time to time.

Just please pray for Michael. And his family. My heart hurts for them; I cannot imagine.

Thank you.

After I just told you that I feel it wrong to say anything else.
So I won’t, apart from this:

The sun has come out again. Praise the Lord, aka Hallelujah.

This is a beautiful picture because it is pink and blue, not gray :)

 

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, let the name of the Lord be praised. Psalm 113:3

Does he who implanted the ear not hear? Does he who formed the eye not see? Psalm 94:9

The Lord is at hand.

You should not be shocked when I tell you that today I am going to disagree with a Biblical Commentary. It sounds like something I would do.
Will do.
Probably will continue doing.
My father always says, “Be like the Bereans; don’t ever take any pastor or book at its word; you must always check it against Scripture. You are called to test the spirits.” This is a practice I continue, and really, you should too.
ESPECIALLY when you read my stuff. Yeah, I may have been around the block a few times, but that doesn’t mean anything. Really, not anything. Just because someone has experience doesn’t mean they are right or have the correct view of those experiences. Remember that.
Be like a Berean (Acts 17:11).
That being said, I was doing a little sleuthing today; fact checking, if you will.

A few weeks ago I was really ministered to by this passage in Philippians. None of you will be receiving these verses with new ears, I am sure. It’s possibly one of the most quoted passages of Scripture, which in general usually steers me very far away. I confess, I have a bad attitude about popular verses; maybe it’s a prideful tendency in wanting to claim that all of these totally obscure passages are “really what should be quoted more, for they are the verses with true richness,” as opposed to all of those “common” verses. I can’t believe I am admitting this, but whenever I see a sermon going to be preached on something so “normal” as Philippians I can feel myself start to roll my eyes and have a sense in my head of “Yeah, yeah, been there, done that. Can we grow up now? Can we move past this?”

Oh goodness sakes. How have I fallen so far?!?!
It’s one of my many issues, trust me. I’m trying to work on it.

So in contrast to this typical disdain for anything that everybody else likes, I was reading Philippians a few weeks ago and came to the beloved chapter 4.

Verses 5-7 were somehow really impactful that night. It must have been the Holy Spirit.
“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is at hand. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

That little line, which I think gets overlooked most times, is what stung me:

                The Lord is at hand.

It made perfect sense to me that night. Why can we not be anxious? Because the Lord is at hand. Why can we have peace which defies reality? Because the Lord is at hand. Why can we be thankful? Because the Lord is at hand. Why can we have an evident gentleness? Because the Lord is at hand.

Beth Moore, in her study on the fruit of the Spirit, makes the claim that gentleness BOWS. Throughout the scripture, she says, it is always in correlation with bowing your will to Gods. It’s a laying down of rights, a submitting, a bowing.
With that in mind, it adds another layer to this little passage. Why can we bow our will to some “far-off” God (as some skeptics will ask us)?
Because he isn’t far off. He is at hand. He’s right here. Right next to my hand. It’s not hard bowing our plans, our will, our ideas about how things should go to a God who is right there.

To me it was obvious: everything is manageable, everything is calmer, everything will be ok. Why?

Because the Lord is at hand.
Isn’t that such a sweet comfort? He knows what’s going on. Somehow being assured of that is enough.

But now I have to get to the point where I disagree with the Bible commentaries.

I had been all happy, thinking about the Lord being near, when I looked down at the little notes in my study Bible and it said something about how the Lord being at hand (or as some versions say “Near”) means that his next coming is imminent. As in at the door, right around the corner, going to happen soon, the time is near….at hand.

I don’t like that interpretation very much. It ruins my comfort, at first thought.

Don’t get me wrong! It’s not the subject matter I don’t like. We’re Christians; the second coming of Christ is the reason we live; it’s our deadline, our goal, our motivation to keep going today. And I could get all into End Times prophecy, but I’m not going to. I have decided thoughts and opinions, but really, we have to hold these beliefs with open hands because…well…we’re talking about the future. So, as my father also says, “I’m a Pan-Millenialist: It will all pan out in the end.” Which is kind of where I drop the issue.

But I will not balk on the fact that Christ is coming again. No way. I will be stubborn stubborn stubborn on that claim.
Why? Because he said he is coming again. Which is where I am stopping in this post.

So my study notes said that this little Philippians verse was about the second coming, and they gave me some cross references to Romans, James, Revelation. All good verses. All in the context of passages speaking of the second-coming.

There was something in me, though, that said, “I don’t think they are right about this.”
Which led me to use my Berean skills. And Google.
Ha.
Actually, I went to the Greek text. I figured if I was going to find out what that word meant, I should read it in its original language.

Interestingly enough, the word there for “near” or “at hand” has two meanings. Yes, the one meaning is “Of times imminent and soon to come to pass,” but it also means “Near, of place and position. Those who are near access to God.” Now there are a lot of places in the New Testament where that particular word is used to say, pretty much, “Coming attractions,” but there are also quite a few instances where it means close, as in proximity (For example, see Romans 10:8, Ephesians 2:13, 17).

Also curious, is that the verses my study Bible had me cross reference, while it contained the English word “near,” the Greek word is not the same. No. AND, like I said, all of those particular verses are in context of talks about Christ’s return for his bride, whereas this Philippians passage is not, or not nearly as explicit as the other passages.

Which, ergo, leads me to believe that claiming outright that “The Lord is at hand” can only be about his second coming, I find not entirely believable. For, where there is one deviant to the rule (and in the case of this particular Greek word there are many), then you can no longer claim it an absolute.

Why is any of this of any importance, you might ask?

Because I think we might be missing out on a blessing if we only view it through one lens.

Can this verse be about the second coming of Christ? Sure. I am no trained scholar.
Could it not be? Sure. I am no trained scholar.
And then I have to ask myself the question, because I am no trained scholar, “What if it could mean both? What implications would that have?”

As I said earlier, if it means “in proximity” then it is a great comfort. There is no situation we get into, nothing we start panicking about, no stress where we cannot be calmed down simply by saying to ourselves, “Don’t worry, you can bow your will. The Lord is at hand. Don’t be anxious, talk to him about it, the Lord is at hand.”

And if it is about his second coming? Then it is a great comfort, too. There is no situation we get into, nothing we start panicking about, no stress where we cannot be calmed down simply by saying to ourselves, “Don’t worry, you can bow your will- his will will prevail; he is at hand. Don’t be anxious, talk to him about it, his timing is perfect, and he is at hand.”

Funny. I just said the same thing, didn’t I? Yet, it has two completely different meanings. It’s like, “The Lord is at hand,” so we are a day closer to him than we were yesterday, and therefore we can get through all of our todays because “The Lord is at hand,”—he is right here, right now.

 And maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s also like “I can let my gentleness be evident by bowing my will to God’s, because he is right here, right by my hand, right now, and because he is coming soon, he will not delay forever. And I can stop being anxious about things, I can talk to him about all of it, because he is right here, right by my hand, right now, and because he is coming soon, he will not delay forever. And all of these things that complicate my life, stress my life, make me panic about my life, well, when he comes—when “near” is finally now—he will make it all right, since he will then…continue to be at hand, like right here, right by my hand, right now, forever.”

My prayer then for you, for me, is that every day we would grow nearer to him as his second coming is coming nearer to us.

Don’t be anxious, Wolfies. Let your gentleness be evident, Wolfies.
How can we live like this, some might ask? Because the Lord is at hand.

The Great Eagle Experiment

On Thursday I told you I have cabin fever; and I still probably do. I have seen no noticeable difference in my moods towards the weather. Or the weather’s mood towards me, either.
On Thursday I also told you that I have had no great adventures lately and that I feel guilty about it, which I still haven’t and I still do.
However, yesterday an adventure ALMOST happened to me.
Keyword here being “Almost.”
Notice it in quotation marks.

But first, let me tell you about what I did on Tuesday.

On Tuesday, I made chicken. Chickens, actually. Plural. I roasted a few birds, one to eat that night, another to chop up and put away for salads, casseroles and all other such various sundries.

And something to note for those of you readers who live in urban areas is that when most people in the country have food scraps we do NOT put them in the garbage. Garbage meaning the waste bin, where scrap paper, dryer lint, and old toothbrushes go. No. Food scraps, like the bottoms of celeries, apple cores, moldy cheese and…get this…chicken bones…they go outside. To some random field or little plot or ditch or wherever, put there to be turned into compost if you garden, to decompose, to feed wild animals, to feed barn cats, whatever. They go outside. But usually not for a few days (at least not in my house) because they go in a bucket under the sink and then when the bucket is full they go outside to my yard-kitty and whichever coyotes come around. Which is exactly where I found myself this afternoon: with a bucket full of chicken bones.

You really do need to know this, I promise.

That was Tuesday and a little rural-life lesson. Yesterday, though, is where the almost adventure kicks in.

I was sitting at my kitchen table making flowers (I don’t know why I make flowers in my kitchen rather than in my studio, I just do) when out of the corner of my eye I see through the window, a few fields over, three bald eagles just a-flappin’ their wings at each other.

How neat! I thought. We see eagles around here a decent amount, especially more during some times of the year than others, but whenever they are around I always get little giggles up and down my spine.

I know, I just said giggles. Not tingles. That’s what I meant.

Naturally then, when I saw the birds I ran as fast as I could to get my camera, spine giggling the whole way, but when I got back I didn’t see them anymore. They must have flown away.

A few minutes later, though, I saw one of them perched up in a tree a little further away than the field they had been in.
Three eagles on the ground flapping around is one thing, but one eagle perched in a tree is another. And it’s not nearly as spine-giggling.
Nevertheless, I continued to watch it for a while.
Until I had a VERY adventurous thought. “I wonder if I could lure them to my yard???”

Friends of mine will tell you this is not unlike other thoughts about eagles I have had before. One of my famous stories goes that one night I was watching a program on some kind of discovery channel (not necessarily THE Discovery Channel) about these eagles in Russia. It was midnight, I was exhausted, I was delusional. And almost like a vision I saw a scenario in my head of an eagle just waltzing right into my living room and I knew right then and there that IF that scenario one day did happen….and an eagle just walked right into my living room, that I would be caught unprepared. After all, do you know what YOU would do if an eagle walked into YOUR living room?

I thought not.

All that being said, now that I know what I would do if the bird sauntered into my house, I had a new challenge before me: How do I get him close to my house?

Then it dawned on me like the great light from the scene in Lord of the Rings Two Towers when Gandalf comes back with the Riders of Rohan:

                                Eagles eat dead things. I have a bucket of dead things under my sink.

And just like that! Flash in the pan! I was out of my seat and running to retrieve the food scraps bucket.

These chickens would help me lure them in.

Forgetting a coat, I rush outside having thrown the bones onto a baking dish and place the bucket far enough away from the house to not be suspicious, but close enough that I could throw rocks at them.

Why would I throw rocks at them, you ask? Well, the thought did occur to me that I have a small cat outside…and what if they tried to fly away with said cat? Then I would need to throw rocks at them.

Fair enough.

Here is a picture of the little yard-kitty, named Katya, and enjoying first dibs on the chicken bones. She is dainty, so I knew she wouldn’t be eating all of them, which is good.

 

She had her petite feast and I watched out the window.

 

I figured luring them would take some time.
And I could see the bird still down the way in my tree.

 

And then there was another one a while later on the ground. So I went back to making flowers.

I started watching them again and was able to catch this shot. Aren’t there wings huge?

 

At this point I was still unaware of where the others were, but these kinds of animals travel in groups, so I knew they wouldn’t be that far away.

And then, kids….Wolfies….dearest readers of mine….about 45 minutes after the initial placing of the carcasses in my yard I stopped my flower making, went and looked out the window….and GUESS WHAT I SAW????

 

 

THAT’S RIGHT! THE EAGLES WERE CIRCLING MY HOUSE!!!!

I started jumping up and down. I started running back and forth around my house! I started squealing. My spine was giggling more than it ever has in my life and for the first time, I’m not kidding you, I think I may have had a slight case of hyperventilation.

Success!!! The birds were circling! They had smelled the chicken! They would be on their way down in no time! And the yard-kitty was in the shed, so there was no fear of her flown off!!!!

But.

 

But then, the most appalling thing happened (I told you it was an ALMOST adventure, remember?).

As I am watching out my window, hyperventilating, camera at the ready, what else do I see out my window? Coming my way?

 A car.

Wait a second! A car??? This was not a part of the plan! I know what to do when an eagle walks into my living room, I clearly now know how to lure eagles to my yard, but a car? A CAR?? And….is this car turning into my driveway?!?!

No, no NO, no no NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!! Not MY driveway! YOU WILL HAVE TO DRIVE RIGHT BY THE CHICKEN BONES!!! You will throw off the scent!

Have you no care that I am LURING eagles to my yard?! Do you have no reverence that I have a severe case of cabin fever----and need an adventure????!!!!!

 

 

*Sigh*

 

We had a lovely visit.

 

But after the little drive-by, I don’t think the eagles were much up for visiting anymore.

My dad didn’t think the eagles would have come for the chicken. And while….I suppose….I can’t be sure they were either, what I do know is that before there were chicken bones in my yard, the eagles were not circling. But after there were chicken bones in my yard? The eagles were circling.

So, there you have it.

Today was the day I almost lured eagles into my yard.

And then I found this sweet picture on Pinterest.

I was looking up “Roses,” I promise.

Cabin Fever.

Cabin Fever has set in. Most days are grey here. Most days are snowy or sleety or else sunny but bitterly cold. I keep telling myself that if it was nice outside I would have a better mood, because then I could go biking, or be in my garden, or do something outside. But I can’t now, which lately has left me in a mood greyer than the weather.

And I don’t know about you, but grey moods and cabin fever leave me feeling a little defeated. Just like “blah” all over. I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t want to drive on the roads if they are bad, I can’t stand the thought of sitting in a coffee shop—actually, I can’t stand the thought of sitting anywhere without DOING something.

In kind of a kidding tone I prayed the other day, “Lord, I really hope my desire to socialize with people kicks in again sometime.”

Ha.
But seriously, a little bit.

So the grey weather and Cabin Fever are contributing factors to the blahs, I am telling myself, and I am also giving some credit to the books I have been reading: really heavy classics. Les Miserables, The Great Gatsby, East of Eden, A Severe Mercy.

Yikes. They make me weep or get really angry. That being the case I decided to read Winnie the Pooh for the rest of the winter.

How adorable.
Between A.A. Milne and P.G. Wodehouse, these British writers give a whole slew of wit and brilliance. I hope that will improve the mood.

Cabin Fever also has the tendency to make me feel quite defeated. And there is nothing like defeat to create a lazy spirit; which has followed me around as of late.

Yesterday, however, I did get quite the conviction about it.

Proverbs 6:10-11 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.

Think of how you would feel if there was a thief in your house. The first things that came to mind are "Out of breath; horrified; hands tied behind my back; helpless; frantic;" to name a few. And isn't that just the way of the devil? To put us into bondage because of our sin?? Praise the Lord that He is the great Deliverer from bondage. And sometimes he delivers by no other way than by conviction; by him saying, "Yeah, let's stop that behavior, shall we?"
What a God.

To answer an obvious question: No, I am not what most would call lazy, but I will admit that I may have spent a lot of time contemplating how to get results without putting any effort in. How ridiculous. It doesn’t work. My word of advice about that?

“Sorry, Charlie. Not going to happen. It's simply not Biblical."

With that new conviction and a revived fear of the “bandit” I went and created this yesterday.

Tell all your engaged friends :)

Success. Take that, lazy cabin fever.

Business.

A while ago, and I can’t remember whether I read it or was talking to someone about it, but a concept starting expanding in my mind that just recently came back to my memory, and seems to me to be applicable to my life right now.

But first, let me give you a little back story.

In the last year I:

A.      Left my job

B.      Worried because I just left my job

C.       Travelled

D.      Moved

E.      Travelled

F.       Worried that I was travelling too much

G.      Spent a summer doing youth ministry that involved travelling

H.      Worried about what life was going to be like when I stopped travelling

I.        Started my own company

J.        Travelled

K.      Stopped travelling and found out what life was like when I stopped travelling

L.       Worried about owning my own company

M.     Lived life, mostly stationary, with little bits of travel, worry, and work mixed in for good measure

Ok, so that’s not the only things I did last year. Just most of them.

As I got thinking about this last year, I thought about all of that worry—you know, the worry in between the travelling and the travelling?

This worry. What is worry? Isn’t it being obsessive, typically, about things that we have no control over? Sure, there might be aspects to it that we need to take action about, but mostly I think it happens solely in our minds.

And our minds are what shape everything about our life.

What was I worrying about, I thought, if it was mainly things I had no control over?
Then that concept I talked about came back to mind.
Whoever it was I was listening to/reading was saying something about how at this point in their life they have had to say no to a lot of things.
No to activities, groups, projects, even some relationships. Why? Because at this time in her life those things were not her business. She had other duties, God-given things (husband, kids, her work, etc.) that were her business; and about THOSE things she needed to attend. Not all of the other stuff banging on the door.

As I was remembering this, I thought, “How many things do I spend mental energy on contemplating things which, probably and honestly, are not even my business right now? How much of my life is changed or how much of my mood is disturbed by thoughts of things that should not even have place in my life right now?”

Do you know what I mean?

I think sometimes we devote a lot of our lives, thoughts, energies to “business” which God has not given us for this season. When we could/should be out concerning ourselves with and experiencing the things that we have been told/given to concern ourselves with, we focus on that which is not ours, cheapening our experience of that which is because we are not solely involved in our present business.

I suppose this is my most recent tangent at taking every thought, every element of my life and making it obedient to Christ (II Cor. 10:5).

Needless to say, I have been trying to pinpoint which things I am involving myself in that I have no business involving myself in so that I can chuck it out the window, or just refuse to think about. Some things, I know, will require me to literally reject the thought at the door of my brain and say, “You are not my business. I refuse to give you time.”

Maybe it’s harsh, but it reminds me of something I was once told as I was exhausting my resources to accomplish things which, now looking back, I know I had no business accomplishing. “B, not every need is a call. Always remember that. You cannot heal all of the world’s wounds.”

Think about it, Wolfies. Make sure that every business you have your hand in is a business that Jesus has asked you to be a part of.

~~~~

On another note, I just have to tell you all that my dad fixed my car tonight. He is tonight’s “Hallelujah”

I know, I know. It doesn’t sound so grand.

But imagine that you are me. And you are without a car that will start. In the way less than freezing cold dead of winter. In the middle of nowhere. And you have places you need to be. With people counting on you.

Yeah, now that you understand the gravity of the situation you know why I am telling you this.
And I think in honor of my dad being my hero and fixing the car of his not-quite-helpless-but-almost-when-it-comes-to-cars daughter, if you have a dad in your life, be it your dad, your friends’ dad, your children’s dad, your grandchildren’s dad, whoever! If you know a dad, go tell them to keep up the good work, fight the good fight, and always keep loving their kids and fixing all of those cars. Because what they do is rare, and it is necessary.
And if you don’t have any dads in your life then thank our Heavenly Father, just for being who he is.

I love this picture of my dad. Him being all fun and shooting nerf balls out of the tail end of a beaver at some unsuspecting (no doubt) innocent passerby. Ok, probably not innocent passerby. Probably one of my brothers.

Reality.

Well, Wolfies, it was accomplished: I successfully averted all waterslides.
Maybe you remember a post I wrote last year about how I hate to fall. Because I do. I just really, really, really hate to fall.

Physically, I am talking about. Like down hills, stairs, jumping off cliffs, jumping off bridges, whatever. I hate it. That is not my adrenaline rush. I prefer speed…just not speed DOWN.

So yes, this week my family took a wee vacation to one of those indoor waterparks.

It was a grand little time (especially since I averted all waterslides). All of the babies love the water so it was great fun to be with them, splish splashing around, and sometimes it was a little nerve-wracking, what with seeing the 18 month-old refuse to be in water shallower than up to his neck.

The little guy can’t even say “Hello” but he can throw a fit enough to let us know clearly that….he likes the deep end.

And the six year old, “No, I can be in the wave pool without a tube,” she would say.

“WHAT?!?!?” I would respond, is shocked horror. And yet, there she was, laughing and giggling…no tube.

Or like seeing the four year old swim—only she only knows how to swim while being completely under water.

I can’t even do that. I am a grown adult and I still have to manually plug my nose.
No joke.

The only problem with the week is that I took zero pictures.

I know. The camera just never made it out of the bag.
Fortunately I stole a few pictures off the sister-in-laws phone.

 

 

 

One little hiccup we had was that…well…we got snowed in to our resort. Had to stay another day.

Clearly there would be no use of the OUTDOOR waterslides.

 

What a strange sensation being in a bathing suit, sweating, and looking out the window at a complete blizzard. Very strange. I didn’t know which was reality.

Pointing to the snow out the windows, of course. In our bathing suits, of course.

 

Also another strange thing: Seeing people around the resort who I had also seen at the pools….in their bathing suits…and thinking, “Hmmm, I have seen you without hardly any clothes on.”
Again, I wasn’t sure which was reality.

Ha.

Anyway, I am back to reality now. Kind of. Most of my family ended caravanning back to my house for a few more days and they are still here, so I am trying not to drink too much coffee, and I am trying to be sociable (even though the introvert in me tends to rear its ugly head and attempts to make me unpleasant—I am trying my hardest to refuse him), and I have broken personal rules of mine: like the fact that I don’t make brownies to just have around the house.

I don’t like dessert, why would I have brownies?
Ah, but the ones I love like brownies…or cake…or whatever it turned out to be.

One serious thing about my week has been a realization that, disgustingly, I have never had before. And I am still trying to process it.

I don’t know if there was a direct verse that correlated to it, but it was the thought that Jesus will always love me more than I love him.

Isn’t that sobering? Like a good little gut punch?

Let me say it again:

The Lord will always love you more than you love him.

I think maybe it was sparked on by that verse “We love because he first loved us,” (I John 4:19) or that line from that song, “If you had not loved me first I would refuse you still” (‘All I have is Christ,’ I think).

Yet, there is the knowledge now of knowing he loves me more, and knowing that I will again, over and over, probably even later today, turn my back on him. About whatever, about nothing, about something that doesn’t even love me at all, let alone love me as much as he loves me.

Yikes.

It’s that point when grace touches reality and your eyes see it, but almost have to turn away because of the brightness of it, and because of the darkness it burns out from inside of me.

Almost as if it takes your breath away. Or knocks the wind out of you. Whichever.