Glory.

I think it all really happened when I decided I needed to wear more color; let's put a filibuster of sorts on all that black I wear, shall we?
The only obvious next stop, then, was to Instagram-stalk some of my favorite bloggers (who wear lots of great color) and see what I needed to get into my closet.
But herein lies the problem. Me, being a smart-phone novice (I don't believe in that tech stuff yet), didn't contemplate the fact that I would be seeing more pictures than just their colorful outfits.
No. There they were, eating and drinking in adorable cafes, having adventures in orchards and cities and Paris streets and buying amazing deer antlers in Texas.

And suddenly I didn't just want to wear more color. Other feelings and wants were surfacing, too.

Was I re-thinking my life?

I thought and thought and thought.

Surely not. I love my life. I love where it has been, I love where it is, I love where it's going.
So what was that?
What were my mind and heart and emotions telling me I was missing?

Then I knew. See, I wasn't really jealous of those colorful blogger's lives. No. And I wasn't even jealous of their activities; I have eaten and drunk in adorable cafes, and had adventures in orchards and cities and on Paris streets and in antique stores surrounded by furs and antlers in Texas.
That's not it.

But....well....Instagram wasn't really IN (or INvented, whichever) when all that stuff was happening to me.....so.....so.....you and the masses never saw me doing all that stuff.
That's what I was feeling.
I was before the time of gaining all those followers.
I never got so many "likes" to know that you all approved of me.

And suddenly, as I was scrolling through a picture tour of their lives I felt like I wanted all of you to know those things about MY life....


Wait wait wait.
Hold the phone.
Why in the world did I want you all to know that stuff about me?

What good would that do for me?
Would it make you like me more? Think I was cooler? Want to hang out with me?
Why should I care?
Why was I caring?


I have been reading through the book of John a lot lately and I am continuously confronted by how he keeps saying things like "the Son can do nothing by himself..." (John 5:12) or "If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid..." (5:31) or "He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself..." (7:18) or "I am not seeking glory for myself.." (8:50) or "If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing.." (8:54). Over and over again this is what he, the God of all universes who came in human form, says about himself. He is not here for his own glory.
Even though he is the only one who has any legitimate claim to glory. But yet he did not come to glorify himself.

Crazy.

Crazy different from humanity.

Isn't it great that God just isn't like us at all?
Isn't it startling how not like God we are?

Because there he is, not seeking anything for himself, admitting that if he were to glorify himself it wouldn't be valid, and here I am, wondering if you all should know about all the cool stuff I have done with my life.

Blah. Blah blah blah.
My own thoughts make me want to gag.
Do you know what I mean? Being so offended by your own heart....

And I see this happening all the time in my life, now that I am looking for ways that I desire to showcase my own glory.
Over and over again; I am more than happy to tell you and everyone else ALL about me.
"So, what do you do?" I get asked. And my initial thought, "Well wouldn't I love to tell you...." or "Have you ever traveled anywhere?" someone will say to me, only then to find my brain instantly wanting to respond with, "Everywhere," despite the fact that that of course is not even true. But I want them to THINK it's true. So I name a few places, letting them think that the reason I am not naming more places is because of course I want to be humble (not because I actually haven't been there, which would be the truth).

Because, honey, I am overwhelmingly human and you better believe that my MO is to seek my own glory.

*Gag.

And speaking of Gag, or Gaga, rather. While I give no practice to the listening to of Lady Gaga, I was flipping through the radio a while back and heard this really catchy jam, only to be shocked when the song ended and I was told by the DJ that I had been rocking to a Lady Gaga song.
In expecting to be assaulted by a barrage of heinous lyrics, when I looked up the words to what I had been jamming to I was pleasantly surprised to see words and phrases that were nothing more than............honest.

While I do not typically think she is an expert on the human nature, this time, I admit, she nails it:

 ....If only fame had an I.V......
I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause
Give me that thing that I love
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love 
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)

See, here is her reality; she has gotten the glory this world can give:

Is that a pirate ship?!!

I wish I was less like Lady Gaga. I wish I didn't have thoughts like, "I should have had Instagram 6 years ago." I wish I didn't feel this overwhelming desire for people to KNOW what I have done and where I have been and subsequently give appropriate honor.

Why can't we just do what we do and enjoy what we do and leave it at that? Why are we all so human, so not like Christ? SO self-glorifying?

Is it cliche for me to say? Yes.
Am I going to say it regardless? Yes.

It's because we ARE so human, we ARE so self-glorifying.
And THAT, Wolfies, is also why Jesus came. Because left to our own devices all we do is seek our own glory and approve or disapprove of all the others.

And so he came. Not in his own legitimate glory. Not in the power he could have. Not in the force it would have taken him no effort to conjure.

He came as a helpless baby, and as a man in a body susceptible to heat and exhaustion and dehydration and bruising and bleeding and death.
He came humbly, not seeking his own glory SO THAT we, the self-glory-seekers, would see him, and would know the stark real contrast between who he is and who we most assuredly are, and in that point of KNOWING would see the overwhelming truth that we have NO glory in ourselves. Whether we seek it ourselves or are bestowed with it by others.

He came in humility so we would know our vanity, and in that knowing fall at his feet, shedding our fake crowns and dismissing the approvals and applause we have received from all the other glory-seekers.
He humbly came for all the self-exalting. You, me, and Lady Gaga alike.

Personal Happiness.

Let me share a thought or two with you. Because I simply can't stop thinking about it.

A few weeks back I was a little vexed, if I do say so myself, by a conversation I had with some people who I feel pretty confidently do not know the Lord. Sure, maybe you think that's a harsh judgment on my part, but don't worry, they would say they don't know him too.

Anyway, we were chatting and like I said, I was getting vexed. Not quite an Ann of Green Gables "You called me 'Carrots'" kind of vexed moment, although I wouldn't put it past me to have a moment like that in the right situation, but one that got my blood boiling under the surface nonetheless.

There was a situation that arose which brought up the topic of people acting in ways I would characterize as completely un-Biblical. It goes against the created order and is destructive not only to themselves, but also to the lives of countless other people, not matter how celebrated it is by modern culture, media, and any other worldly what-have-you.
And as we were dialoguing about this, out of the mouth of one of my said non-Christian acquaintances comes the phrase, "Whatever makes them happy. Just so long as they are happy."

Disagreeing entirely with that phrase I cast a parting comment of "There is more to life than your own personal happiness..." and we all went our separate ways and that was the end of it.

But not for me.
I can't stop thinking about it. Thinking about how I don't believe that is true on any kind of moral or social ground, thinking about how it both simply and supremely leaves something to be desired for my fiercely loving, fighting, pilgrim-ing spirit.

Just so long as I am happy??!

It stopped me in my tracks and has made me think over and over again, "Really? Is that all you are living for? Have you nothing else to compel you to get out of bed in the mornings?"

Sigh.
It makes me love Jesus more. Because Jesus says there is more for me than that. He has given me something more to do. He tells me there are battles to be fought and truth to stand for and lives and souls to protect and people to minister to and souls at risk.
And, too, my life lived only seeking my own personal happiness is about as Blah of an existence as I can imagine. I want to desire more than that.

I feel terribly sorry for those people I spoke with that day; it seems they are not out on any great quest. I mean, after all, how hard can it be to find your own happiness?

 And it still has me thinking. How in the world would they ever come up with that idea? I mean, where does the world get this stuff? Surely it can't be their own idea...
Ecclesiastes 3 says that God has set eternity in the hearts of all people.
Well what in the world is eternal about seeking your own happiness as the supreme goal of your life?

Nothing.

And Houston, I think that is our problem.

In addition to the eternity that the Bible speaks of, it also waxes eloquently on such subjects as Believers being "More than conquerors" (Romans 8:37) and it talks about these battles we have that are "not against flesh and blood" (Ephesians 6:12) It makes such strong claims about us being able to "do all things through Christ who strengthens us," (Philippians 4:13) and while I am probably not in reality as much of an expert in things like international crime solving and espionage as I like to imagine I am, I can put two and two together enough to know that phrases like the ones I just quoted are talking about more than our journeys to do whatever makes us the most happy.
It's not saying, "You are more than a conqueror...of your own boredom," and it doesn't say "Our battle is not against flesh and blood in your search for your own pleasure," nor does it say, "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you....even the hard things like going to get your nails done and buying yourself a new something...all the way across town."

No.
Because that would be ridiculous.
God would have never wasted such words on things as trivial as my own happiness. Or yours.
Clearly he is talking about bigger things than that.
Bigger things than, I am finding out, the world is not paying attention do, or admitting the existence of, or whatever (I am still processing that part).

But isn't that so interesting? God speaks about things the world would rather take no part in. Things those acquaintances of mine seem to not recognize at all. I keep pondering and I wonder, "Don't they ever think there has got to be more to all of this than whatever they want to do? Are they even aware that there is a world and a big battle out there over---not only their souls---but those of all peoples around them?"

I don't think so, I have concluded. I think they are completely unaware.

And as I run that through the filter in my mind of knowing that eternity is in their hearts too, not just mine, it only makes sense then that something is blocking their sight of it all. This is no new thought, obviously. II Corinthians 4:4 says, "The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." I don't know why I am surprised then to find out that the object the devil is using to keep these acquaintance's thoughts away from all the eternal implications of their life is their own personal happiness.
It makes perfect sense. It keeps them never looking to more in the world than whatever creates for them the highest satisfaction. It keeps them living inside their own life and daily reality; never beyond that.

This concept is reminiscent to something C.S. Lewis wrote in The Screwtape Letters. This bit coming from a seasoned devil who is talking to a devil-in-training about how to keep their "patients" (i.e. humans) away from thinking about non-temporal things:
(*remember, whenever they say "Enemy"--because they are devils---they are referring to God):

"I once had a patient, a sound atheist, who used to read in the British Museum. One day, as he sat reading, I saw a train of thought in his mind beginning to go the wrong way. The Enemy, of course, was at his elbow in a moment. Before I knew where I was I saw my twenty years' work beginning to totter. If I had lost my head and begun to attempt a defence by argument, I should have been undone. But I was not such a fool. I struck instantly at the part of the man which I had best under my control, and suggested that it was just about time he had some lunch. The Enemy presumably made the counter-suggestion (you know how one can never quite overhear what He says to them?) that this was more important than lunch. At least I think that must have been His line, for when I said, "Quite. In fact much too important to tackle at the end of a morning," the patient brightened up considerably; and by the time I had added "Much better come back after lunch and go into it with a fresh mind," he was already halfway to the door. Once he was in the street the battle was won. I showed him a newsboy shouting the midday paper, and a No. 73 bus going past, and before he reached the bottom of the steps I had got into him an unalterable conviction that, whatever odd ideas might come into a man's head when he was shut up alone with his books, a healthy dose of "real life" (by which he meant the bus and the newsboy) was enough to show him that all "that sort of thing" just couldn't be true."

Isn't that so telling? And how terrifying that all the devil has to do to keep people away from thinking about eternal things, things of great significance, or the ACTUAL reality of life is to get them to think about "real life."

And only "real life"-----like traffic and lunch and the weather and the news.


Notice that ones of the devil's main tactics is to make no mention of himself in this. He does not show himself and subsequently scare them into not believing in God. Rather, he keeps them completely unaware of his existence or the existence of any Supernatural force upon their lives at all.
Because any clear picture of a Supernatural reality that might work it's way into the minds of these happiness-seekers would completely disrupt all of the devil's plans in their lives. The devil, being a spirit, would rather have himself be completely un-believed in than to run the risk of humans knowing another reality exists. Because if HE is believed in, then the eternal heart in all of us would want to believe in a God as well.

No, it seems. The devil does not even dare whisper about the language that God speaks, let alone all of those life-is-more-than-your-personal-happiness-things that God uses that language to speak of.

It's a thought, Wolfies. There is more to our lives than our own personal happiness. Don't be blinded to the reality outside of your own daily life.

Constant.

Maybe it's the time of year (aka, almost "School time"), maybe it's the seasons of life, maybe it's the heat, or maybe it's the way things ebb and flow, but I have been in a----mood----lately.
That it makes me want to be Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman should be no surprise to any of you.
The "mood" reminds me of being a kid, of getting my school books (I was home-schooled), of going to my brother's football games, of piano lessons starting again, of getting ready to preserve all the fruits and veggies our gardening neighbors would sell us, and it makes me want to read a novel about Amish (I always did that in the Fall) or watch episodes of Home Improvement.

Call it nostalgia.

Even though nostalgia is not something I am prone to.
I think that's what I am feeling.

In thinking over my life lately, it has just occurred to me (I realize what I am saying next is elementary), for the very first time, that I will never be younger again.
Like, I could never say, "You know, I think I liked 23 the best---let's just go back and live in that stage again."
It can't happen.

Who knew!?

Not me.
I mean. Consciously I knew it, obviously. But practically? No. Time just keeps going. Life just keeps going. I figured there was a pause button somewhere.

And I will tell you what; it makes me thankful for the constancy of God. One of his names that I love is Ancient of Days. It means he has seen everything. He remembers all; he will judge all. How comforting to know that wherever I have been, he has been there to.

Even now then, as I am aware that I can never go back again, I am more thankful that not only has he been everywhere I have been, but he will BE everywhere I will be.

Wow.
What a Hallelujah if there ever was one.

The other morning I was reading and came across Psalm 71:5 "For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth."

I am blessed to have known the Lord from a young age, so this verse is true to me... He has been my confidence from my youth.
But not only that, he has been my comfort and confidant and companion. I have intimately known that I have never walked alone, I have never traveled by myself, I have never traversed without a Guide. He has been there. He has seen all my days.
What a beautiful thing.

We are never alone. He never leaves. He knows all of our days.
And he wants us to know HIM in all of those. If there is something keeping you away from Christ, pitch it. I promise you this, it's not worth it.
He is better. Let him be what you need.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And I wanted to tell you one more thing.


I said "Yes."

And that makes me so excited.

It makes me so excited because he loves Jesus and miracle of all miracle---he loves me (I am getting the better end of the deal, though, let me tell you), and we both love silly things like maps and old books and big words and talking about what we ate for lunch that day, as well as discussing why life without Jesus is pointless or how we want our life to positively affect people for the gospel.

And he prays with me and for me and over me. Because he knows that apart from Christ, we can do nothing (John 15:5) and that without Christ, we have no good thing (Psalm 16:2).

Truly can I say that the Lord has dealt bountifully with me (Psalm 116:7).

Love you, Wolfies.

Mosquito Nets.

Let me just set your mind to rest one time and for all right now about something I am sure you have been thinking:
Wild black raspberry jam does not just make itself.
No no. Not in the slightest way.
I realize that when you go to a grocery store and see entire shelves, aisles long, full of jams, jelly, preserves, conserves, and chutneys of all kinds that your mind may assume they just magically appeared there in your super market.
But no.
That is not the case.
How do I know this?
Because I am in the jam making process.

You will remember that last year I went absolutely bonkers about the wild berries that are in the woods around my house. Well it's time again, Wolfies. Oodles and oodles of them surround my residence, taunting me with their abundance and mocking my efforts in futility to capture them all. But I did a pretty decent job and I just cooked a bunch of them to make jam; feeling pretty good about this year's crop, let me tell you.

BUT. And there is always a "but" with these things. This was not a battle easily won. Before I could even think of cooking and sanitizing jars and pectin and all the various what-have-yous, there is this little bit about PICKING the berries. For get the thorns, they were the least of my worries. Forget the heat, it hasn't gotten hot here yet. This year?
Mosquitos.
That's right.
The vampires of the insect world are out in full force. And they are vicious.

So the story goes that one morning I got up to pick berries around 6:00 am, and I was dressed in what I thought was fool-proof berry picking attire. Pants, knee high leather boots, a t-shirt covered by a hooded sweatshirt. The hood tied tightly so that the only part of my body really showing was the middle oval of my face.
This was going to be great.

And it was great. I got out there in no time and was picking picking picking in the immense thickets when out of nowhere I feel this little biting pain on my face.

Moquito.
SWAT!
I made quick work of him!

I did not, however, make fast enough work of his friends.

Continuing on in my berry quest, they continued in their quest for my blood. Not to be deterred by silly little bugs though, I pushed on, figuring I would take care of the carnage on my face when I got back.
And "Carnage" is almost an appropriate word.
Upon arriving home, ONE HOUR LATER, I look in the mirror to see.....what?
Any guesses?

FIFTEEN BUG BITES ON MY FACE.

MY FACE.

Just a sampling for you.

{Ha. It reminds me of a year ago when I was on a bike ride and was falling...into a barbwire fence.....and out of my mouth like nothing I yell, "NOT THE MONEY MAKER!!!"  How ridiculous am I?!}

So there they were---on my face----("the money maker"). And I had to leave for work in an hour! Being the resourceful woman I am, I did this treatment of vinegar and baking soda (NOT at the same time) and voila, they were gone in an hour. But I was still offended that they had even come close in the first place.

Not to be deterred by the little varmint blood-suckers, I did what any self-respecting berry-picking woman would do.

You get angry and make a hat. A mosquito net of the most sophisticated kind.

I had them utterly confounded, let me tell you.
And I got berries galore.

And then I was a happy berry picker.

What a joyous occasion. To have buckets full of the fruits of my labor.

All of this is to tell you---wild black raspberry jam doesn't just happen.

And as I was out there, fighting literally thousands of bugs, going to great lengths to keep myself untainted by their claws, all I could think was, "Why don't I fight with such fervor for my relationship with the Lord?" For surely, no matter how great home-canned jam is, it's nothing compared to Him. And knowing him.

Do you ever wonder where your fight has gone? Where all of your intentionality to remain close to Christ has flown away to?
If I am honest, I do sometimes. It's in those seasons of busyness (like mine right now), or those times of being listless or apathetic.
And when I let those things, which are silly (like mosquitoes), get in the way of he and I, also like the effect of the mosquitoes, the life-blood gets drained right out of me. Causing me to become even more apathetic, listless, disinterested, and then sometimes making it all completely slip my mind.

Why don't I make a mosquito net for my spiritual life?
Why don't I understand the life-broad truth that nothing worthwhile JUST HAPPENS. It takes a conscious, concerted effort, or you get nothing.

To make jam, I have to be intentional.
To stay close to Christ, I have to be intentional.

The precept is the same.

It's a thought, babies. What are you not being intentional about when it comes to Christ?
And what kind of "mosquito net" can you create to change it?

Love you, Wolfies.
I wish I knew every single one of you in real life. 

Reluctance.

I would say, "I have a confession," but I have done that a time or two and it also implies that I would be telling you something you didn't know.
So I will say, "I have an admittance." Because it accepts that I am telling you something you are all too well aware of.

I have been very quiet on this here blog lately.
Or in layman's terms: I haven't written very much this year.

While some people say, "Excuses won't do you any good," I AM going to give you an excuse.
Two of them, actually.
; )

Number One: I work a lot. I love what I do, but it makes my time not be my own. IF you know what I mean (if you have a job I am sure you know what I mean).

Number Two: This guy.

Look! There I am in the reflection of his glasses!

I know. How great is that.
So great.
But see, here is the caveat that has changed things for YOU. He and I don't live by each other; we live something like 3 hours away from each other. So, rather than spending time writing thoughts and nothings to YOU, I am on the phone each night talking to HIM. And I am traveling each weekend to see HIM.
Which, admittedly, is the way it's supposed to be.
And I couldn't be happier about it.
Because he is great. And he loves Jesus so much and he makes me love Jesus more. And he is brilliant and talented and funny and interesting and wise and calm and all kinds of other wonderful things that I will tell you about sometime.


But---I do miss you, my dear Wolfies. So I am going to try to be better.

*Sigh.
It feels so good to have told you that. And I guess I figured that once you knew what was going on with me you would forgive me for my absence. Because you are great like that.

*Sigh.

Needless to say, I have been gone a lot (every weekend--and most weekdays,too). And it reminds me of all that time in my life before I decided to be done rushing. I remember once when I was living with Al and Ella she asked me, "Do you ever not want to go?" and I had to pause and think about it for a bit.
"If I had somewhere I wanted to be and it was keeping me away from there," I said, "then I would be more reluctant to leave. But since I don't, it's fine for now."

For whatever reason that has stuck with me through the years and I keep going back to this concept of being "reluctant" to leave. Back then, when I was rushing, I was not reluctant.
Now? A little more. Even though I love what I do, every morning when I leave for work, part of me wishes I could just stay home.
But on the other hand a part of me doesn't want to stay home. I want to be out doing things and being productive and interacting.
It's a battle in me. I have been known to say, "When I am not adventuring, I am home," and it is basically true. A piece of my heart is always home, wherever home happens to be at that time.
So in this season of my life where I virtually get one suitcase unpacked only to start packing another, I was thinking about this reluctance when I came across a passage of scripture where Jesus is told that all the wine is gone (John 2) and he says to his mother, "Dear woman, why do you involve me? My time has not yet come."

I always think this is so interesting because, while he shows a bit of reluctance or hesitation when faced with this need, he goes ahead and does it anyway.

Why?

This miracle is touted as his first. Meaning, he hadn't done anything startling yet. Nothing to catapult him into the limelight. Make him famous. Bring on the crowds. Bring on the ridicule and the Pharisees and the Sadducees and the skeptics and the people who cut holes in the roof to get to you and the long journeys with the dusty feet and the sweaty brows and the no place to lay your head.

Was the reluctance----or maybe I shouldn't even use that word. Maybe I should say the "pause" or the "calculation"---was the him acknowledging that there was and was not a "right time" a showing of his humanity?
Like him being a realist and knowing that having a rock as a pillow is not plush, and feeding 5,000 probably makes you miss your lunch time too, and crowds following you constantly is going to make you need some alone time (i.e. all the times he went by himself to pray), and slipping away through mobs that want to kill you might be a tad stressful, and having your skin ripped to shreds is really painful and then knowing that death by crucifixion is about the worst thing in the world.

Is that why it wasn't his time? Why he was reluctant to start his ministry? Reluctant to get the show on the road?
Was this the humanity part of his God-hood? He knew what was coming; was he tired just thinking about it?

YET.

Yet he did it anyway.

He turned that water into wine.

He caused the commotion.

He got the ball rolling

He let the God-hood part overrule the human-hood part.

Because there was a wedding going on, and there was a family's reputation on the line, and there was an instance where someone might not be provided for.

And God doesn't let people go un-provided for.
So he did only what he could do. He defied natural laws (well, he worked around them. Because he created them, so he can do whatever he wants with them), he made something that wasn't into something that was, he put to shame all the impending pain and exhaustion and betrayal and horrific death....and reluctance to start it all.....and provided in ways nobody else could.
Or can.
Or will.
Or does.

Because that's who this God I serve is. That's the kind of love we are dealing with here, babies. He put aside his needs to meet yours. Mine.

And so I am challenged. What good thing am I reluctant to do because it will require sacrifice on my end? And how can I actually feel that way if I consider what he may have been reluctant to do---but did anyway----for me?

~~~~~
Did I mention that special guy and I had to go to Los Angeles?
Well. We did. For a wedding.
And for the Getty Museum. And the ocean.
: )

In our wedding finery.

The Getty Villa. Sans water in the pool :(

Because when we were hiking we were in a cloud, too.

Be Our Guest.

To this day my favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast.

I know, I know. I am twenty-something and still, when toodling around the house cleaning or cooking or something, every now and again I think, "I should have Beauty and the Beast on in the background."

So I do.

Oh boy, do I.

And while the first song ("Provincial Life") is really my favorite, I just can't really get over the Be Our Guest one. You all know that hospitality is like---BIG---to me, so I guess it goes without saying.
But, like all the other times: I will say it again. Hospitality is big to me.

I love being an overnight guest. I love having overnight guests. I think there is something special that happens when you wake up in the same house and eat breakfast in your jams with someone. There is a bond.

 

But being an overnight guest is different than having overnight guests. I know this because, honestly, I have been an overnight guest way more than I have had overnight guests (hopefully the tally will be evened out soon!).
Here are some snapshots (some you may remember) from some of my favorite times of being an overnight guest.

Since I am an overnight guest frequently due to the nature of my life, I have thought long and hard about this subject. Long and hard. I have been fortunate that the overwhelming majority of my overnight-guest-experiences have been wonderful. The Lord has blessed me with great peoples in my life and for that I am grateful. But sometimes I can't help but think: "But what if these were not good experiences?"

You know what I mean? In my opinion, things can go from good to bad in about a matter of three seconds. I have told you this in so many words in describing at length my feelings about bathrooms. Easy peasy, things can be good, and then they can go very south. But I haven't had too many of those experiences (praise the Lord).

Back to what I said though, being a house-guest is quite different than having house-guests. I mean, you are kind of at the mercy of your host and hostess. You eat what they give you, you stay where they tell you, you use what they provide. No matter how you cut it it is a sign of generosity and generosity is the be accepted thankfully and gracefully.

And as I was pondering this in my head, the thought occurred to me, "But what if I was a terrible house-guest?"

Ungrateful. Rude. Demanding. Critical.

What if I put up a fit? Or was like, "Oh sorry, I don't eat that...." as I look across a table that the hostess has so graciously set and put together?

I mean, can you imagine? Pride much? Looking at what they have done (that you don't deserve and didn't pay for) and basically saying, "Oh yeah, that's not good enough. You don't meet my standards..."

Yikes.

My mind ran to all kinds of places and scenarios about how terrible that would be and as I was ghastly horrified, I was reading in a different translation of the Bible. For whatever reason I picked up A New Living Translation, which is done in totally modern English. I was browsing through there the other morning and came upon Psalm 39.
The NLT put it into quite the little perspective for me.

"Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry! Don't sit back, unmindful of my tears. For I am your guest. I am a traveler passing through the earth, as all my fathers were." (very 12)

Do you see that??! I AM YOUR GUEST.
At first I thought, "How rude to say!" for I thought that it was implying, "I am your guest, wait on me, do my bidding. Go out of your way to please me."
But then. Then. I realized that that's not what it means at all. Because what happens when you are someone's guest?
YOU ARE AT THEIR MERCY.

Now tell me. When was the last time you rightfully judged your life and admitted, "God, I am at your mercy"?
Because you are.

We are his guest.
If our concept of the ordering of the world is right, we know that we are powerless apart from Christ. We cannot provide for ourselves. We cannot make things happen. We cannot save ourselves. We can't keep our own lives from harm.
We are at his mercy. Because we are his guest.

We eat what he gives us, we stay where he tells us to, we use what he provides, because all we have is what he has provided.

What a thought.

So then, because it begs the question: What kind of house-guest are you?

Do you look at your life and understand that it is all due to his generosity and his love (and love isn't all just flowers and hearts, it can be tough sometimes too)? What you have has come from the hand of God and that is to be treated reverently?

Or.....are you maybe in the other camp? Like the person refusing to eat what is placed before you? Because maybe it doesn't fit your standards? Or because it doesn't seem to be good enough for what you think you deserve?

The thing is, Wolfies, we don't deserve any of it. And we most certainly didn't pay for it. We are the beggars at his table, the lame ones he brought in off the street and chose to make his own.
He is not our guest, as if he is at our mercy to do as we bid. We are his guest. Don't get that role reversed, babies.

Revel.

Remember my Robins?

Eggs hatch.

And then the babies need to be fed.

Pretty horses outside my window.

Fuschias. My favorite.

Basil and Tarragon.

Tiny tiny tiny and perfect.

Last night was kind of magical. It was one of those evenings where, if you live in the country and on a gravel road (like I do), you are familiar with, but not because it happens so often but because it is so rare and you therefore remember it vividly.
For starters, there was no wind. Now, I live in the middle of a wind farm, so not having any wind happens almost never. A number of years ago they put up something like 268 of those huge wind turbines in an 8 mile radius of my house because when it comes to wind energy, my backyard is like Saudi Arabia.
So there was no wind and this almost never happens.

But when it does....

Magic.

I say that because there is a quality the stillness adds that seems other worldly.
As I said, I live on a gravel road. And what do gravel roads produce? Anybody?

Dust.

Which usually flies away on the breeze as quickly as the speeding car produced the tan colored cloud.
But when there is no wind....it just hangs there. Almost like fog. And it either floats or stands completely still. Sometimes a very slight breeze will come and will make it dance and twirl the way a full skirt of organza would on a little girl moving in circles.

So last night was that night; a night when the dust hangs onto the air.

Last night was also a night of dark clouds. Surprisingly it never rained, but the inky tone to the sky made the green of the forests and fields look like velvet, so dark it was, lit only by the setting sun which gave it's most lovely light display in the north sky (very strange), the only direction in which clouds did not cover.

It can't help but put you in a mood. It can't help but mesmerize you, take your breath away a bit and make you know that words are not needed. You just revel.

Yesterday afternoon I had a lovely little visit at work from a very dear friend and two of her babies. What a fabulous surprise! It brightened up my whole day and after they had gone I continued to smile and be thankful. Thankful for them, thankful for surprises, thankful for someone taking the time to say hi, thankful that they care, thankful that I am blessed to have really good people in my life.

I sat there at work being reminded of a few days ago when I was over at their house visiting for a bit and, my friend, being the proficient gardener and cultivator of all kinds of wild plants and growing things that she is, showed me around her yards a bit. And we talked and walked awhile, grabbing this herb and that edible weed and that flowering shrub, rubbing them together in our hands to release their oils and breathe in deep of their brilliant and pungent fragrances.

We do this sort of thing often (basically every time I am over) and were joking that the people who drive by her house and see us doing this frequently are probably like, "What's wrong with those women? Why are they always smelling those plants....?"

And we laughed. Because laughter is good among friends.

In thinking about all those delightful growing things we were partaking of, I can never help but be amazed that while they all are green in color and they all spring up from the dirt, they are about as different as a Moped from a Mercedez.

So last night then, in the magical stillness, I had to go over the another friends' house to pick up some books and paintbrushes and homemade bread.
How great is that?! To have friends that I can get books and paintbrushes and homemade bread from?!
In much the same way, what did we do before I left? Walked around her (also beautiful) yard, looking at lovely flowers and growing plants and smelling leaves of all kinds.

And as I was there with her, being reminded of my other friend as well, as we were doing a very similar activity, I was a little overwhelmed, if I admit it. I was overwhelmed by the fact that God orchestrates both.
Really blessed friendships and really spectacular foliage.

I think of the beauty of nights like last night, the vast vast vast array of plants alone, and know that anything less than praising God for being who he is and creating such excellencies has to be some sort of heresy.

How can it be denied? That God is good and creative and wants to be involved in every infinitesimal aspect of our lives I feel is never more evident then when you look at a flower in a rock garden, not any bigger than a penny, yet still so full of color and life and design, is there any other appropriate response than "Amen"?

And yet.

For all the beauty of these gardens, for all the most intricate engineering of them, for the beauty of nights where the dust hangs in the air, I was reminded that creation is not the crown of creation.

We are.

Humans.

Living, breathing, moving.

Praying, weeping, mourning, rejoicing.

Whatever the state.

Walking around gardens on still nights.

Surprising friends at work just to say hi.

Loaning out paintbrushes and books.

Calling to say hi.

God is most glorified in us.

We are the ones Christ made in his image (Colossians 1).

We are the ones with souls that will live through eternity.

And these times we spent in these gardens, looking at this flower here, and smelling that herb there, what were we doing? Connecting. Building relationships. Sharing in the glory of God's goodness. Doing what we were created to do: be in relationship with others, for God is three in one; it is not good for us to be alone (Genesis 2:18).

For not only is God so good that he has given us flowers and plants that produce food to nourish our bodies and herbs that make things taste even more sublime, but he has, in a sense, given us to each other. He has given us people to live life with and share things with.

Like quiet nights, and times of weeping. Paintbrushes and rejoicing.

And isn't it all really kind of miraculous?

Roses and relationships alike.

All come from His hand.

Because he is so good to us.

So today, think about it.

Whether it's the beauty of June that jogs your memory of it or something else entirely, recognize the fact that not only, if you have entrusted your life to Christ as Savior, has God given you himself (and that would have been enough), but that he has then gone and given you people and companions to walk this life with. People to revel in Christ with. People to walk these days with, and then to worship God in eternity with. You have never beheld a mere mortal, Wolfies. You have never known nor will you ever know a more excellent creation than those people God has given you.
What a good God we have.

Defends.

May is my favorite.

~~~
I have played piano for a long time, some of you may know.
And while I don't do it nearly as often as I should, or not by any stretch of the imagination nearly as often as I used to---well----actually----that's exactly the problem.
So then the other day when a situation happened that made me feel like a terrible human being and subsequently had me feeling a little overwhelmed, as I sat down to play the piano (Claude Debussy to be exact) to try to figure things out, to my chagrin it didn't solve any problems.
No.
Rather, I was just made very aware of how I don't play piano all that well anymore. And I don't do Debussy justice anymore.
Because, like I said, I don't play often.
And all of the sudden all that skill, all those 13 some plus years of weekly lessons, all those hours and hours practicing for all of those competitions mean virtually nothing and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.

Yes, I realize that is not entirely true.
But that's how it feels.
It feels like my skills are terribly ruined.

Since I was then in really no mood to be at the piano (because remember, I was going there for some semblance of comfort, not to be reminded of my own startling inabilities I am all too familiar with), I went and continued in my devotions, which that day found me in a place I more often than not am not in: the New Testament.
But for whatever reason I was in I John. A good little book, I have known this for years, but admittedly it's not one I frequent.
And since I can't give you the book's outline from memory, I was walking through it's sentences and phrases and truths rather slowly that morning, wanting to grasp what maybe I have missed before or taken for granted.

Isn't the Holy Spirit really good? Making it so that I can be reading a book I have read numerous times and all of the sudden I can see it differently? All of the sudden the Holy Spirit connects His words to my current life.
What a good God.

Because there in I John is this little bitty verse that says, "But if anyone does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense--Jesus Christ, the Righteous One" (I John 2:1b)

As I sat there, struck with those words, all I could think was, "But I don't think I am much that's worth defending." After all, hadn't I just had a morning of feeling like a terrible person and hadn't I been made aware that I am squandering years and years of practice and honing of skill, and wasn't I even more acutely aware of a less than perky attitude that was then residing in my heart?

So what, I wondered, could really be worth defending? Why does he, this great God who cares enough to speak directly to me, want to defend me? Of all people? Surely there are better candidates.

Francis Schaeffer refers to human beings as "Glorious Ruins." Created in the image of God, we are more glorious than we could ever imagine. Yet, having fallen, we are more ruined than we might ever comprehend.

Kind of like my piano playing skills these days, I thought.
Glorious Ruins.

Listen, Claude Debussy is up there with the best of them; his works are masterpieces. They deserve someone to do them justice.
Not someone like me with ruined fingers.

But that's when it hit me. That's why he defends me. Because I am the ruined one. I am his gloriously {ruined} masterpiece (Eph 2:10) and he, like any artist who would still defend his vandalized work of art, making his correct claim that he can fix it, restore it, put it back to the way it was supposed to be, defends me before the Holy Father

Whoa.
He thinks I am worth defending.
He, the Righteous One.
Me, the Ruined One.
And he looks at me as his masterpiece that has only been played by ruined fingers and says, "I can make that ruin glorious again, but let me play the tune; I know what her life is supposed to sound like."
See Wolfies, that's why he defends us. He saw us before we were ruined. And he can see how we will be restored. He thinks you are worth restoring.
He thinks you are worth defending.
So he does.

Passed Over.

So something like a week (ish) ago I said, "Yeah, yeah, next week I will write something to you about Easter"
I know you never thought it was coming but today, babies, it's coming.

I am sure none of you care to remember, but I was not in the Christmas spirit this past winter holiday season, and with that memory still raw in my mind, I prayed all that Easter week that I would be impacted by Easter this year. For certainly I needed one holiday to resonate inside of me.

Which leads me to a thought: Why in the world don't we make nearly as big of a to-do about Easter as we do Christmas?
Think long and hard about it. And then be comforted knowing that I am going to make a big to-do from now on.

But anyway. I wanted to be impacted by this holiday, really get into the whole meaning of the death and resurrection of Christ.

Which, to a woman like me, that can only mean one thing: I spent some time reading about the first Passover in Exodus.
: )
Yes, it's true. I just can't get over this feeling I hold strongly to that if you don't know your Old Testament then your New Testament won't have nearly the same bang for its buck (and I wanted Easter to have bang for it's buck, remember). Because just reading the New Testament is like starting a book half way through. Characters don't really make sense, you have no idea about past histories between people, and you're totally left guessing as to why in the world they keep going on and on about that time they were in Budapest.

Wait, what?!?

Nevermind.

Basically it's like this: Have you ever been enjoying dinner with people and all of the sudden a handful of them start telling stories about people you have never met (but apparently everyone else knows), having adventures you were not a part of (but apparently everyone else was), and you just sit there and think, "I don't have the foggiest idea what you are talking about right now, but gee, it sure sounds fun; wish I had been there..."
Yeah.
That's basically what happens when you just read the New Testament.

But I will get off my soap box (for this post) (maybe) (doubtful).
Just read the Old Testament...

And in this conviction, spurred on by my desire to see Easter differently, there I was. With Moses. In Exodus. In Egypt. Watching the whole place fall apart.
If you are not familiar with the story, go read it right now (Exodus 11 and 12).
At this point in the story we enter in to find everything in commotion. God has just brought all kinds of plagues on the people and lands of Egypt because of their ruthless oppression of the Israelites and because of their worship of false gods.
The place is a mess, I can only imagine.
Yet God is not finished. There is still one more thing to be done; judgment had to be exacted upon those false gods Egypt clung to (12:12). So the only true God sends a curse upon the firstborns. Firstborn sons, that is.
And if there is anything we know as Christians, it should be this: When God says it, it happens.
So the curse was placed and it was going to come to fruition. The oldest sons in all the land were condemned because the people had followed gods that were not God.

In the very essence of God's character, though, there is always a protection offered. For those who called upon his name, God gave instructions for how to remain in his covering. The Israelites were told to "take a lamb for his family....Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs...The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you..." (12:3,7,13)

Whoa.
Whoa whoa whoa.
This kind of language should make the buzzers and alarms and bright flashing lights in your mind go bonkers.

Because it did mine (and who wants to be alone when your brain is going off like a pinball machine?).

False gods.
Judgments.
First born.
Curse.
Condemned.
Lamb.
Blood.
Pass over.

See, if I had just skipped more than half of the story and gone straight to when Jesus comes on the scene in the New Testament, I would have missed more than half of the story.
Because there in the New Testament I see all this language; phrases and words that can make you go, "Yeah, I live two thousand years after all this happened, I wish it talked about stuff that could cross time and space and generations and mean something to me today," UNLESS of course, you knew that language like that had already crossed time and space and generations to get to the time of Jesus, and Wolfies, let me tell you, language like that is still crossing time and space and generations, and--get this-- it still means something to us today.
It meant something to me this Easter.

Because, see, here is the deal. That morning as I read this story again, Jesus made more sense. His story, and all this Easter talk about death and resurrection and something we call Salvation was not just a stand-alone event that happened out of nowhere, was based on nothing, and has no personal significance to us anymore today. Jesus is the continuation (and final completion) of what God has been doing for thousands of years.

A completion of what God did in Egypt that day when the plague came.

Because it's the same story. If you read the Bible, as well as any history in general, you will find out that it's been the same song and dance since Adam and Eve.
Since the Fall there have always been false gods, because there has been a lack of trust in the one true God. And since there are false gods there have always needed to be judgments. And there have always been firstborns and curses and condemnations...

...And therefore we have always needed lambs and blood and passovers.


Bingo.

Suddenly it's all clearer to me. Jesus is the "Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world," (John 1:29) because we have always needed the blood of spotless lambs to cover over sin, for "without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins" (Hebrews 9:22).  And in Egypt that day God struck down all of the firstborns because upon them the curse had been placed. But in Jerusalem that good Friday God turned things on their head and struck down HIS firstborn....
Why?
Because upon ME the curse had been placed (Romans 3:23). And so the second person of the Trinity took that curse upon himself, to reconcile us back to God (II Cor. 5:19). "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written, 'Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.' He redeemed us..." (Galatians 3:13-14a).
And salvation came to those Israelites that night in Egypt, why?
Because they had covered their homes with the blood of a spotless lamb.
And salvation still comes to me, to you, to whoever receives it, why?
Because we cover ourselves in the blood of the perfect, spotless Lamb of God.
And just like that dark night in Egypt, when God sees that blood he still passes over us...

I wish I could convey these in words more eloquent than what I just typed. I wish I could put into phrases the way it works in my brain, but tonight I can't.
All I know is that this Easter I saw Jesus twice. I saw in Exodus how he made a way for salvation, and I saw in all those New Testament passages we read in church how he is STILL making a way for salvation.
Because it's what he does, Wolfies. He is the God who saves. It's his blood and his alone. That's how it was 2,000 years ago in Jerusalem, 6,000 years ago in Egypt, and today the same wherever you are; it's his blood, still crossing all that time, space, and generations, still passing over all of our sin.

Not only yours.

Hello, you beautiful people!
So the story goes that I have half written a pretty though provoking entry on Easter (yes, I know it's after Easter). But frankly, I don't have time today to other-half write the post because--get this--it's going to be a long one. Fortunately, though, I think you can handle it because let's be honest, most of mine are long ones : ) That being said, basically it all means that if you are ok with me posting something about Easter, say, next week, then next week I will post something about Easter.
How does that sound?

But I did want to say hi and to leave you with a thought. I have been in I Kings lately in my devotion time (remember Sheba and that bit about Praying Differently?) and am starting to pick up on a theme which goes something like this:
                What you do affects other people.

Novel, I know.
But seriously.

The book talks a lot about Solomon at the beginning; it touts him for being a great king, for building sensational edifices, being sought out by *all* of the greatest people in the world at that time.
A man to know, let me tell you.

However (why is there always a "however"?--OH that's right, because we are human), Solomon had one issue he was not victorious in: WOMEN.

Right there, chapter 11, starting in verse 1: "King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh's daughter--Moabites, AMmonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, "You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods." Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord...."

See, right off the bat you see the main problems. "Many" and "Foreign" and "Besides."
Bad news bears.
Why? Because those are all direct violations of what God had said to do. The Bible does not teach "Many" wives, nor wives you are note equally yoked with, nor having wives besides the first one you have...
Let me tell you a little story. I was in the middle east last summer with a people that do not worship the same God I do. And in their religion they are allowed to have a handful of wives, and yet, none of the people there did. So one day I posed the question to the elder in the family, "You are allowed to have more than one wife, and yet none of you do. Why is this?"
And this adorable grandfather figure responds back in perfectly broken English., "Yes yes, our god say it ok. But me? Uhhh.... Me know that the heart only love one. If two wives, one will never be loved good."

Brilliant. Even worldly wisdom knows it's a terrible idea.
So while Solomon was the wisest man to ever live, he wasn't right about this point. And it became his downfall.
Maybe he was on a power trip and wanted all the royal women in the land to be his alone and no one else, or maybe he just could not deny himself any beauty his eyes beheld.
Whatever the reason, it became his downfall.
And right there in the middle of it all is this little principle that is tolling like a bell through my mind: What you do affects other people.
The "you" I am talking about in this bit, obviously, is his wives.

They were who they are, you can't fault them for that. Which is exactly why God prescribes a "No-go" policy about foreign women. Because here is what I am learning: we have the power to turn the hearts of other people.
And I would personally tend to think that the phrase "turn their hearts" is a little too liberal, and YET--there it is. Right there in the text. "His wives turned his heart...."

Yikes.
This quickens my breath why?
Because I wonder whose heart I am turning.
And frankly, I wonder in what direction?

Those close to me. My family, my friends, those I work with, minister with, minister to.
All of you here who read this little thought journal of mine.
Am I turning hearts?
To what?
To whom?
Away from what?
Away from whom?

A sobering thought, Wolfies. One I don't think we should take lightly.

And one more thing. Repeatedly in this book is the phrase: "He did evil in the eyes of the LORD, walking in the ways of his father and in his sin, which he had caused Israel to commit."

Yikes.Again.

Causing others to sin?

See, our sin is not our own, kids. Don't ever think that.
Because a lot of really bad kings long ago thought that and actually, rather than just committing it themselves, thinking it was their private sin, their personal vice, a guilty pleasure only theirs, it wasn't.
Your sin is not your own.

What you do affects other people, babes.
Let us live rightly.

Empty.

I have great memories of going to the landfill when I was a kid. Heading there with my parents to dispose of what we would call the “un-burnables” because, yes you bet it, when you live in the country you burn stuff. Trash. Whatever fire will consume. 

But there are a few things that fire won’t touch, and those things got taken to the landfill. Tin cans. Old buckets of paint, and the inevitable television that even the latest version of bunny-ear antennas couldn’t make work.

And if my memory is serving me correctly, whenever we went it was always sunny out. And our particular landfill was situated in the woods, so not only was it sunny and typically warm, there was always a cool breeze coming from the forest. Just exactly the kind of weather that is conducive for a girl like me to have her already-overactive imagination run wild.

In addition to the grand, sunny weather, there to tantalize my mind were old semi-truck trailers, each full of only one kind of thing. All the TVs went in that one, all the batteries heaped up in another, etc. etc.. How cool, I always thought, bins full of old stuff and scrap metal.

Even at that age my mind ran like a fleeing wind: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD DO WITH THAT?? I would think as I surveyed the piles all around. I had these crazy imaginings of being let loose, free to take whatever I wanted, no doubt conjuring up images of all kinds of neat furniture and cottages I could make with my findings.

It is probably safe to say that that’s where my “Scavenger” mentality came from, for, I admit, if I see something cool that has fallen off the back of someone’s truck, no doubt on their own way to the landfill, I am ridiculously tempted to stop and pick it up (and you all remember those stories I have told of where I gave into that temptation and did in fact pick it up….).

For instance, last week on my way to work I saw what, I am pretty sure, appeared to be a sander.

And I even saw it twice.

But I didn’t stop.

And now I regret it.

But I digress. Yes, we all know, Bethany likes old stuff that she finds.

In ditches, on the side of the road, or even, she imagines, in those heaps at the landfill.

And these are all the thoughts I thought about when I came across this passage in Matthew.

“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” (Matthew 6:7-8)

See, I like heaps. I like digging through things, scavenging, to find the treasure, to find something interesting that I can do something grand with.

But when I read this and I see that word “heap,” I don’t see piles of cool scrap metal and nifty bricks. No.

I see something more along the lines of….milk jugs. The big gallon ones.

Can you picture a huge heap, a pile big enough to climb on and slide down like a human avalanche, of empty milk jugs?

Well that’s all I can think about.

Did your dad ever yell at you when you were a kid over the “un-squashed” jugs in the trash? Mine did. And he was right. It was a useless waste of space because literally, they are just full of hot air.

So maybe that’s why I have an inherent distaste for piles of empty milk jugs. 

But then when I see that verse, brazenly using the word “heap” in a negative way, it stops me in my tracks a bit. For, it BEGS the question: Are your prayers equivalent to piles of empty milk jugs?

Wait, what?

I know, it’s totally obtuse, but think about it!

Are your prayers just taking up space?

And I don’t mean that in like a your-prayers-are-less-important-than-everybody-else’s kind of way.

No no no no no no No. I don’t believe that is possible at all.

I mean it in a do-you-think-God-hears-you-more-because-you-say-all-the-right-things kind of way?

Maybe none of you have this attitude, but sometimes I think I do. Sometimes I think God listens to me more because I have been a Christian a long time, I serve on this many ministries, I write all this stuff, I give my money to the poor, blah blah blah blah blah.

That’s so ridiculous.

Why?

Because it’s pride.

And here is what I have decided: Anytime pride comes into our relationship with Christ, anytime we think we have it all together, anytime we are pretty confident that when it comes to “being a Christian” we have got things figured out and, yeah, we can handle it on our own---all of our prayers become like heaps of empty milk jugs.

Useless wastes of space.

Because it denies the very reason why we pray in the first place.

In this passage Jesus says that the Gentiles thought they would be heard “for their many words.”

I.E. They thought they would be heard because of things they had done. Things they had said. Because they had figured out how best to talk to God.

God hearing them was totally based on THEM, they thought. It had nothing to do with God. It was based on their performance.

And just like he always does, Jesus swoops in and turns the situation on its head. It doesn’t matter about how great of a performance or show you display, or about any of those good things that you have done, any of those flowery words that you use, God doesn’t pay more attention to you because you have this whole spirituality thing under control and know how to sound all “Christian”; God hears you when you come to him admitting the opposite. Admitting a dependence on him. 

Do you see the difference? It’s a removal of I-have-it-all-together and an induction of Oh-God-I-Need-You.

And why does he not only hear prayers based out of that kind of reverence, but answer those prayers? Because you are admitting in humility what he already knows: You have a lack and he is the only one who can fill it.

And not only does he know we have a lack (and yet he is still good to us), but Wolfies, he knows what we lack BEFORE we do.

Talk about removing any possible opening for pride. Not only do we have nothing to be proud about, but he knows of our failings and needs way in advance of us being aware of it.

Whoa.

And yet, it’s to those people, the ones who see their lack, face it, admit it, and bring it to him to fill, those are the people whose prayers are not empty. Those are the people who do not heap up piles of worthless trash.

Rather, I like to think that maybe my prayers, your prayers, if said in an awareness and understanding of our lack of sufficiency, maybe ours are piling up like cool old scrap metal and bricks and broken furniture, just waiting for him to make into something more excellent than we could have ever figured out what to do with on our own.