Prepared.

Twelve hours.

That’s how long I slept the first night I was home. In my own bed.

Twelve hours.
I haven’t slept for twelve hours in, hmm, let’s see:

1,2,3…..7 years.

And that was after I had been awake for something crazy like 52 hours because I had been travelling back from overseas (that was actually the time that I slept 14 hours….so at least I didn’t beat my record THIS time).

I guess this summer of coming and going and being all over the place all the time wrecked me a little bit.

OR ELSE  it could be because I felt guilty if I ever slept past 7:00 a.m. because I didn’t want the people I was staying with to think I was a worthless girl who did nothing but lounge…
Anyway.
All that to say is I am home.

Home. What a concept.

Maybe you have picked up on this in your reading of my blog, but small, everyday things bring to mind spiritual parallels for me, or they show me stark contrasts between God’s Kingdom and my world.

But home, I can’t help but think about Heaven whenever I hear the word. And I hear the word a lot because if you have been reading for almost any period of time you KNOW I LOVE homes and houses.
While you do know that, I am confident, I don’t know if I have told you this before, but one of the most important passages to me in all of the Bible is John 14:1-4:

 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

I remember the first time I “got it.” I was walking into my room after having been gone for a few weeks either on a missions trip or a conference, or something along those lines, and after having been around groups of people for so long, with no place of my own, to finally walk into my bedroom…sigh. A place with my name on it.

A place prepared for me.
I knew right then and there that Heaven will have a door with my name on it. A place created just for me…by Him.
So to sleep for twelve hours, to know rest in a place prepared for me, it just gave me a taste of Heaven, you know? A taste of my true home.
Something to look forward to.
Something I want to help others understand, whether it be through a spirit of hospitality that I hope to have envelop me, or through having people in to my home, whatever. I want to help people know that heaven is real, and living through the hardships and heartaches and burdens of this life really WILL be worth it. Why?
Because Home is coming.

A few years ago during my devotions a little phrase jumped into my head. One that I think could appropriately hang above the gates of Heaven:

                                                                Leave your baggage at the door;

                                                                      He’ll take it from here.

 

I think I might go paint something like that above my front door right now.

Lord.

A few weeks ago when I was at camp the speaker mentioned something I hadn’t put together in my mind before. He was talking about giving your life to Jesus and letting him have Lordship in it. Now, I have in fact thought about that before and am a firm believer in it.

But the speaker told us that the word “Lord,” by definition, means “The One You Say ‘Yes’ To.”
Isn’t that interesting?!
And maybe a little convicting?

If you are anything like me, sometimes I think I am the one I say ‘yes’ to. ‘Yes’ to whatever I think, ‘yes’ to whatever I want, ‘yes’ to my plans and ideas and goals.

And as I have pondered this, the giving of your life to the Lord and HIM then being the one we say ‘yes’ to, I thought about what it means to give your life to him in the first place. Clearly the first step is handing over the idea that we think we can get ourselves to heaven, or that we think we can be good enough to get there. It’s saying, “Actually, it’s you. Not me and my “power.” You and your sinless life and death on a cross and resurrection from the dead. You are the only one with the keys to eternity.” But what about after that? What about after the initial salvation, after you have accepted him as Savior, what does accepting him as LORD look like?

I just said that giving your life to Jesus as Savior involves changing your thoughts about how salvation is attained. It’s taking on his thoughts, his TRUTH (for Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, and no one gets to the Father except through him {John 14:6}) and making it yours.

Is him becoming Lord in our lives not done the same way? In a changing of thought?

You know, I, along with almost everybody, thought that I had figured out how my life was going to go. There were patterns I saw in other people’s lives that I just figured I would follow in suit. Why wouldn’t I? I was brought up in similar fashion to those people, I had similar values and we held most of the same truths to be self-evident. Surely that was how it was going to go.

But my life really hasn’t gone that way. God had other plans for me.
And I have ended up looking different and living different than all of the people I had always watched.
We still have the same values and truths, our lives just took different patterns. We have been shaped by different experiences.

So what do I do then? When the patterns my life has followed are not the ones I thought they would? And what do I do about all of the goals I originally intended to reach? What do I do about all of the dreams I had?

What about all of those thoughts I had before I became a Christian about how I thought the world worked and was formed and moved along?
Don’t I, just like when I traded in my views about how salvation was attained, have to do the same thing for him to be Lord?

Give him those thoughts too.

I know this is elementary, but it really just occurred to me.
Having Jesus as Lord means, yes, giving him all of those thoughts and plans and dreams, too. I decided to give him my life, I don’t get to keep my thoughts. My plans. Because thoughts and plans are included in the package of life I gave up.
Simple, I know.
And in return, in return to saying “Yes” to him and continuing to do so, he now gives me HIS plans. His thoughts, his patterns. My job now is just to say over and over to whatever he gives me, “I accept—again” and let go of whatever I thought was truth, or what lifestyle I thought was unavoidable, before.

Why else would he tell us that transformation comes from renewing our minds (Romans 12:2)? Because the patterns of this world, the thoughts and dreams and plans of this world, do not say conform to him. They tell me to confirm all that I feel, to follow my heart, to do what is best for me, all the time, no matter who or what gets in the way. But everything with Jesus is opposite of what we think it should be. He doesn’t tell me to follow my heart; he tells me to lead it. He doesn’t tell me to do what is best for me, he says to seek him and his righteousness and then, and only then, will things be added to me.

Being a Christian can be difficult sometimes; it goes against what we naturally think and are inclined to do. It’s the constant giving up of what I thought was right and truth. But being in right relationship to him is better than having my thoughts be aligned with myself, because a Lord who has the power to save is clearly a Lord who is worthy of saying “Yes” to.

Done Rushing.

Can you believe in this day and age we take iPhones on hikes?

Picnic Buddies!

Super amazing waterfall!

Seattle!

Me and my brotha!

I cannot believe that my summer here in the Pacific Northwest is almost over! I have traipsed all around from state to state, built great relationships, laughed a lot, seen amazing things that God has created and have loved almost every minute of it.

Home, however, beckons.

There is something to be said about a lifestyle that looks like it’s almost always on vacation. Coming and going is idolized for some people, especially people my age. This thought of vagabond freedom, or not being tied down to anything. The reality though is that packing endless bags, even if it seems glamorous, can be tiring. The last few years have taught me that. For the most part I have LOVED that lifestyle, don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret it, I have been thankful for it and wouldn’t trade it in, but the constant going, the constant rushing and pushing has worn me down.

Out here I have had a lot of time to think and ponder my life. For the last few years it seems I have had this list in the back of my mind. A list of all the things I want to do, finish, experience before I move on to the next stage of my life, whatever that may be. So it has propelled me forward and been a haunting thought, almost becoming  a barrier to progress at some times because I feel I can't move on until the list gets accomplished. I think there may have even been a little thought that if the list doesn’t get done I will not lead as satisfied of a life as I wanted. The list brought a thought that says, “Don’t ever sit for too long or you may never move again. Keep going, check the next thing off.”

So I did. I never sat for too long.

But what if now I kind of want to start sitting for longer maybe?
What if I think I am done with the rushing?

Can I tell you the thought scares me? I say “kind of” and “maybe” and “I think” because I am not still totally sure I want to give it up yet. “Calm” brings fear. What do I do with myself in those days? How do I deal with THOSE emotions? I know what to do about exhaustion and annoyance and heavy suitcases, but what about days of routine? When the routine isn’t “Pack a bag, pack a bag, pack a bag” but more something like “Get up, work, see people, repeat for months without packing a bag”?

Now that’s new territory.

And honestly, even when I go home I still think life will look quite a bit like “pack a bag, pack a bag, pack a bag.” But what if I look different? What if, rather than rushing forward because of a fear that XYZ won’t get done ever if I don’t get it done now, I can now go here and there, just without the rushing? What if I stop seeing that list as a means to some kind of satisfaction, or just destroy the list completely? Pay it no mind? What if I don’t treat it as a “satisfaction vs. regret” situation but rather an “I have already completed the list. These things are just extras. I can take them or leave them. No haunting fear anymore. I don’t need to rush to ‘extras.’”

I haven’t finished tackling all of this in my head yet. Clearly. And I am sure none of you care what in the world is or is not being tackled in my head.

I guess I am just glad to tell you that this summer my heart got put into some kind of peace. To have this overwhelming desire to rush be slowly removed is scary, yes, but is also becoming more and more welcomed.
Peace is a good thing. Rushing to something other than Him will wear you down. Trust me. I’ve done it.

Isn’t it funny that he already told us that? Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives….” (John 14:27). He already told me that his peace looks different. I have lived the life the world says will bring the fulfillment of the list---checking it all off. But I got to the end of my list and was kind of like, “Yeah. So what?” As a friend of mine would say who was on one of those reality shows, “So you saw me on TV? Big deal!” If Jesus has moved on from using something in my life, then that something needs to go, too. Because it doesn’t mean anything anymore. If he is no longer in it, my satisfaction will no longer be found in it.

And I still want him. Wherever that is, either in the middle of a list or at the completed end.  

What I Learn From Cosette

My bestie flew in for the weekend. How fun! She is visiting me when I am on vacation!

Yeah, we do that.

Ha.

Anyway.

We went to a car show Sunday.

My friend admiring the color, no doubt.

And we read to each other this morning. Out loud. At breakfast. Why don’t adults read more out loud? Books are better that way.

A cousin of mine told me that in a trying time of her life her brother would read to her out loud every night as she was washing dishes. How sweet. What a camaraderie. We need more of that. How thoughtful, intuitive, and gentle.

Jen is re-reading The Great Gatsby.

I am reading Les Miserables for the first time. Both are fabulous. The writing is of a style from not now. Nobody writes like that anymore. If I have need to highlight lines in a NOVEL then you know it’s good. Lines like that are worth re-reading again.

This morning as I was reading some good sections to her, I came across this one that struck a chord in me.

The story goes that Cosette is a little girl who is carrying a bucket of water, much too heavy for a girl of her age, and Jean Valjean (the gentleman in this quote who will become her adopted father) sees her walking on the road:

Cosette, we have said, was not afraid.

The man spoke to her. His voice was serious, and was almost a whisper.
“My child, what you are carrying there is very heavy for you.”
Cosette raised her head and answered:
“Yes, monsieur.”
“Give it to me,” the man continued, “I will carry it for you.”
Cosette let go of the bucket. The man walked along with her.
“It is very heavy, indeed,” said he to himself between his teeth. Then he added:
“Little girl, how old are you?”
“Eight years, monsieur.”
“And have you come far in this way?”
“From the spring in the woods.”
“And are you going far?”

 Sometimes I think I am Cosette; carrying a burden that’s bigger than me. Trying to struggle through. Trying to be brave, unafraid. Planning on walking with the bucket for a long ways. Thinking I will be able to manage it.

What lies. What a false-sense of strength I impose upon myself; convince myself I possess, when the reality is that I am carrying a burden much too heavy for a girl of my “eight years.” Wolfies, we don’t have to do that!

My last post talked about the things God has asked us to do, but carrying our burdens was never one of them.

I Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Psalm 63:8 “Trust in him at all times, O People; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”

These aren’t just words on a page. These are not just lines I underline because the writing is grand or read out loud to a friend over breakfast. These are promises. Things that hold weight, phrases to trust in, because the One who said them is trustworthy.

He knows, like Jean Valjean, that our burdens can be very heavy for us. “Give it to me. I will carry it for you,” he says.  
And he doesn’t blame us for feeling our burdens deeply. He knows this is all a part of the curse.
Matthew 9:36 “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”
But he is the great Shepherd! He knows we are helpless. My prayer is that we know it to, and that we know who to go to: the One who writes underlining-worthy promises.

A few thoughts on faith.

I drove by this oil refinery once. Have you ever seen these things? They are insane.

So many gadgets and valves and filters and pipes and inner-workings and pulleys and things I have never heard of and, and even more so, things I have no idea what they do.

These places blow my mind. They make me think about the people who build them, and I want to know those people; they know more about stuff than I do. Those are the people to be around: the ones who know more.

A brother of mine and I were chatting on the tele a bit ago. “Faith is a hard thing,” he said. He works in the ministry. He knows how much faith life takes.

The honesty of his comment struck me and I found myself thinking, “And boy am I glad that is all God asks for.”
So often in my life I find myself grasping for more straws than I am supposed to. I want to propel things forward, I want to see conclusions, outcomes, resolutions, peace. All of the struggling and hardships can just go away in my opinion, to be beat out by victories and “the way it was supposed to be.” But God never asked me for the outcome. He never asked me how things will progress to the finish.

All he asked was that I have faith.

Do you see the difference? I falsely believe a lot of the time that I am to have faith UNTO something. Faith unto a healing of a situation, faith unto money in the bank, faith unto something just being over and done with and put away.
The problem is that’s not really what God has asked me.
He asked me, he asks you, to have faith unto HIM. Sure he may bring healing to a situation and faith unto money in the bank and faith unto whatever being done, giving us the ability to wash our hands of it.
Or he may not.
Regardless, we are called to have faith unto him, not unto something we think he will do.
How he handles something is not our business.

As humans, we keep trying to do things that he has never asked us to.

And why do we fall into that? Because we want to see results. See them Tomorrow. See them Today. See them Yesterday. And pretty much because we think we can work everything out, not only faster (for surely we would have dealt with it yesterday), but better.
Be honest…we all think that. We all think if it had gone slightly different or majorly different everyone would be better off.
But he didn’t ask us to change its course. He asked us to trust that he knows how to drive.
And that’s the way it is with many things! We think we are more responsible than we actually are. But here are some things that the Bible has called us to be responsible to. The list might surprise you:

Jesus never asked us to save anyone. He asks us to plant seeds and water seeds (I Corinthians 3:5-8)

Jesus never asked us to never get hurt. He asks us to love (I Cor. 13)
Jesus never asked us to make a situation go away. He asks that we know he holds all things together (Col. 1:17).
Jesus never asked us to be perfect. He asks us to be committed to him (I Kings 8:61).
Jesus never asked how we are going to afford to tithe. He asks that we be generous (II Cor 8 & 9).
Jesus never asked us to be eloquent. He asks us to preach the Word (II Timothy 4:2).
Jesus never asked us to only help those we deem worthy of help. He asks us to go the extra mile (Matthew 5:41).
Jesus never asked us to protect ourselves. He asks us to put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6).
Jesus never asked us to change someone’s heart. He asks us to pray (I Thess 5:17, Eph. 1:17-20).
Jesus never asked us to do things alone. He gave us his Holy Spirit (John 14:25-27).
Jesus never asked us to have all the plans. He asks us to have faith (Literally all over the Bible).

Look at all of those! None of those have anything to do with outcomes. Not a single one. I could go on and on. But don’t trust me, search your Bibles. You will never find a time, scenario, situation, or command where God says, “Do xyz, and then finish it, too. Ok? Great.”

Never. He never says that.
Results are never our job.
Faith is our job.

Isn’t that great to know?! There is so much pressure we put on ourselves, and so much ensuing failure we feel when we aren’t seeing what we think should come, for no good reason! We are attempting to do more than we have ever been asked to do. We are attempting to see more than we have ever been told we would see.

I love when Jesus talks to people and he says to them “Oh you of little faith.” It’s reassuring. Why? Because he didn’t say “Oh you of BAD faith,” as if trusting in him wasn’t the most profitable thing for us. As if there was something better to believe in. As if he wasn’t the answer. As if he wasn’t enough. As if he had ran out of good ideas. As if he didn’t know where all of this was going.

He said “Oh you of LITTLE faith,” implying that the only answer to the situation is to believe him MORE. Implying that he is worthy of it. Implying that we are on the right track, we need to just keep pressing on. Implying that he is the only one capable of handling more trust put on him. Implying that he has it all covered. Implying that in his plan it is all going the way he knew it would; and implying that it’s all figured out already. Implying that he knows what the end looks like. Implying that in the perspective of eternity it really will all be ok. Implying that he is God, we are not, and that is how it should be.

When I was driving by that oil refinery I looked at it and thought that building something like that would be impossible. And what if I had been asked to build the thing, and build it completely by myself?
My hands start sweating just thinking about it.
I wouldn’t know where to start. I have no idea what pieces go where, let alone what pieces I would need to order in the first place! I wouldn’t have enough time in my whole life to accomplish that and, even if I could somehow get it done, the odds that it would work properly are roughly zero-to-none.
I would be defeated before I even began.
And sometimes, if I am thinking about results I want to see rather than the process I am called to, I can feel defeated as well. But when I was thinking about all of this, Jesus just said to me, “Chill out, Bethany. Living a life for me isn’t that hard. I’m calling you to believe. I’m not asking you to build an oil refinery.”
What a grand thought! Obvious, but more impactful than most:
Jesus asks us to trust him. He doesn’t ask us to do what only he can do.

Not in Vain.

Last week found me at the lake. I told you it would. Lakes are relaxing places. At different times throughout the week I asked myself “Is this reality?” and came to the conclusion that rest received from the Lord is sweet for the weary—for those who have been hard at work in the harvest fields, if you know what I mean…

Have you ever been in an airplane and flown over those lakes that are surrounded by mountains and thought, “Goodness that must be beautiful?” Well let me put your mind to rest: Everything you always thought is true.

My brother and I on our way to the Lake on the Columbia River!

The Lake at dusk.

The view off our dock!

I sat on the boat and read a lot of Les Miserables. Because the movie is coming out this fall, you know.

Boys love to tube!!!

Boys wearing my running jacket (and headlight) and petting the fishes they caught for dinner.

Putting small children in grocery bags.

If the boat is on the water, I want to be on the boat. Needless to say I felt like I was still on the boat even when I was on solid ground. What an unnerving sensation. But totally worth it. Here with the ladies of the trip.

~~~~~ 

My devotions have been in I Kings lately. All of those Old Testament books put me in a mood that I think I love. Maybe I feel more like the Queen of Sheba when I read them. Maybe I love that I see God do huge things. Maybe the lessons learned in those books are massive. Maybe all of the above are true.

Anyway. The story at the beginning of I Kings is about Solomon finally getting to do what his dad, David, had wanted to do all along: Build the temple. David had a heart after God, and God loved that David had a heart to build the Lord a house, but that was not what God wanted done. Solomon was going to be the one to do it.
And he did it.
That’s where we find ourselves in I Kings chapter 8. The temple has been built and Solomon is awed. Praising the Lord. He says this in verse 27, “But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven, cannot contain you. How much less the temple I have built!”
I think I am starting to grasp what Solomon is talking about. There are all of these grandiose ambitions in my heart to do any number of sweet things for the Lord. For his glory; to see others come to know him; for the lost to get found. And I can put forth crazy amounts of effort, energies. Like David, my heart can be in it, but what if maybe God has some other work he wants me to do? What if, if I am self-guided rather than God-guided, even the “good things” I am doing will produce naught?

Verse 27 shows that Solomon knew a truth that I just learned this week: God is too big to be contained by things made by human hands. In Acts 17 it even says “And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else” (verse 25).
God does not need us to help him, as if we can give him something he doesn’t already possess. But God invites us to join him in his work. And these works are numerous; he is moving all over this planet, promoting his plans, conforming all things to his will, seeking and saving the lost.
He asks us to be on his team, to be his ambassadors.
But I think about the work I feel called by him to do and it can seem overwhelming. To view the needs of the world is to find yourself small and inadequate. My response to that can be like David’s: Really eager. I want to get out there and make a difference and move things along fast. NO TIME TO WASTE!!! But what if God is not in it? What if he is not the Energy that gets me moving fast? Then what?

While building the temple was not what God wanted David to do, I find immense comfort that God loved the willingness David had to DO SOMETHING FOR GOD (I Kings 8:17-19). It’s kind of like a safety net, knowing that does see all motives and energies put forth and blesses the righteous pursuits, even if God stalls the outcomes. Isn’t that something only a really good God would do?!

So Solomon knew that God is too big to be contained by things we make for him. “The highest heaven cannot contain you,” he says. “How much less the temple I have built!”
I draw 2 conclusions out of this:

1.       To build something for the Lord, I have to have a humble spirit and realize that God is bigger than all of my efforts. I am kind of like the three-year old who wants to help daddy “Split Wood.” In reality I am picking up twigs off the ground, not chopping down trees. He doesn’t need my “help,” but he loves my willing heart. I have to recognize that only God ordained things will produce God ordained results. Which leads me to my second point.

2.       God, the eternal one, can only exist in what he creates, i.e. Things with an eternal nature, things that are big enough to contain him (like eternity). He is too big for the temporal.

Doesn’t that make sense? Why else would Solomon himself say in Psalm 127:1 “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain”? Because all of our efforts can never be enough. God only build things that conform to HIS will. Remember, we are just picking up sticks, not felling logs.

So I find myself praying about all of the said things I want to do for the Lord, coming to him with a spirit of humility, admitting that my work is not big enough for him, but praying that he would then do the building. Offering up a humble heart for him to say to me, “I love that you want to do this for me, but this is not what I want you do for me. I can use you better elsewhere.” And then letting him change the course of my efforts.  All I can ask is that he will use me to communicate his “big-ness” to other fellow stick collectors and that we can live a life acknowledging that he does not dwell in temples built by human hands. He dwells where he chooses.

I do not want to labor in vain, Wolifes. I want him to build the house.

Lakeside.

I am off to the Lake this week with some of my favorite people. I absolutely cannot believe I have been out in the Pacific Northwest for five weeks already. What a summer. Not a warm summer, but a summer. After having summers be such a busy time of working for me, being able to take some time off has been such a joy. While I know I will be antsy to get home and back to work in a handful of weeks, there is no doubt that rest and reprieve is from the Lord.

One of my life verses has been this, and as David would say, "I know it full well."
Psalm 116:7 "Be at rest once more, Oh my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

At rest in Ireland.

Seeing the unexpected.

I SAW ELK!!! You better believe it, baby! I know, I have been ranting on about this for months, this lack of wild, large-game animals in my life, but no more.

And there they are:

Wait, you can’t see them? How about now?

Still no? Ok, how about now?

 THERE THEY ARE!!!! Luckily, I have eagle eyes. And luckily, I have a fantastic zoom on my camera.

To be honest, I wasn’t even expecting to see the creatures. My eyes were focused on other such things. Like this beaut:

 That’s right. Mount Saint Helens.

 Isn’t it crazy good looking?

So good looking I almost missed the elk. That would have been a shame. I wouldn’t have known it was a shame because I wouldn’t have known I missed the elk, but a shame it would have been nonetheless.

As I stood there snapping pictures galore, I thought about the fact that I almost didn’t see them because I wasn’t looking for them. They came at me unexpectedly.

The other week at camp I was reading through the book of John. Sometimes you just need to get focused on Jesus again, don’t you? Forget all the arguments, forget all the “theologically correct-ness” and just give me JESUS. To know him and to be known by him.

Anyway. I was reading in John and one passage in particular caught my attention.

John 6: 22-36 The next day the crowd that had stayed on the opposite shore of the lake realized that only one boat had been there, and that Jesus had not entered it with his disciples, but that they had gone away alone. ²³ Then some boats from Tiberias landed near the place where the people had eaten the bread after the Lord had given thanks. ²⁴ Once the crowd realized that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, they got into the boats and went to Capernaum in search of Jesus. When they found him on the other side of the lake, they asked him, “Rabbi, when did you get here?” ²⁶ Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. ²⁷ Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.” ²⁸ Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?” ²⁹ Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” ³⁰ So they asked him, “What sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do? ³¹ Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written: ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’^[c]” ³² Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. ³³ For the bread of God is the bread that comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” ³⁴ “Sir,” they said, “always give us this bread.”  ³⁵ Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. ³⁶ But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe.

Isn’t that interesting? The people in question here are those who had just been fed….they are “The 5,000” if you will. They had just seen Jesus do one of his coolest miracles. And they thought they had him figured out. They thought he was a genie who does exactly what you want and puts food in your stomach.

I half smile-half cringe at the thought of that. Smile because they were so proud and oblivious. Cringe because I am so much like them; more so than I want to admit.

Do you ever feel like that? Feel like you are going to God just so he can meet some need? Like he is a great big free supermarket, there for you to take what you will at your leisure? It must be the human condition; these people thought that, too. And Jesus knew it. He says there in verse 26, “You were not looking for me because you saw the signs I performed, but because you ate and had your fill.” He knew that we seek out things for their benefits.

But the truth of the story here is that they weren’t expecting to find Jesus where he was, just like I wasn’t expecting to see the elk. They figured he would be somewhere else.

Then I REALLY cringe, because over and over again I find myself expecting Jesus to be somewhere he is not. How often do we do that? I think we do it a lot. I know I do it a lot. I just figure that I have my life figured out, so when he does something I don’t expect, or more often than not, when he simply is NOT to be found where I wanted to find him, sometimes I have a hard time with it. I can feel like he needs to gain my trust again.

Wait a second? Gain my trust again? Who do I think I am? Is God not being where I want him my problem or his?

It’s my problem isn’t it?

I can put Jesus inside this box and say, “This is how God works. He doesn’t ever swerve from my convinced 12-step plan.”

Let’s be honest. How often does God ever do what we think he will? So why do we keep thinking this time he will, and then get angry when he does not?
Yikes.
Ok, the very fact that Jesus mentions the manna here is no coincidence. The Israelites were not looking for manna in that desert, did you know that. Do you know what the word “manna” means? It literally means “What is it?” They were shocked by how they saw God provide. He provided them with a mystery; something they couldn’t figure out. It did not make sense to them. It was not what they were expecting. They would have preferred something else.

The redeeming factor of this story is found in the disciples, though. The disciples weren’t on the first side of the lake either. Why? Because true disciples are where Jesus is. Whether it is where they want him to be or not. What a lesson to be learned! Thanks, you guys.

That’s what I want to be. I want to be a woman who goes where Jesus is, regardless of if it is where I planned on finding him or not. This takes humility, too. I can get pretty proud about things I have convinced myself of about who God is, where he works, and how he deals with situations. How about we all make a deal to never think we have God figured out, ok? Ok, sounds good.

Another thing I can see from the “seekers of Jesus” is that where you are expecting Jesus is a tell-tale sign of what you are seeking from him. They were looking for him on one side of the lake. Why? Because that was where he fed them. That is why they were looking for him. They wanted to be fed again. They thought he was an avenue to food.

I just started reading some selected writings of A.W. Tozer. Quite good stuff. He quoted this unnamed English author at one point. “Lift up thine heart unto God, with a meek stirring of love; and mean himself, and none of his goods.”

I felt convicted by this. This looking to God for his goods and not seeking HIM. I no longer want to seek God for any of his goods, but him alone.

We cannot keep looking for God just for his benefits. He is not merely a functional savior. And he won’t be just where we want him to be. He is not some avenue to a spouse who we think will fill some kind of need we think we have, he is the Greatest Relationship. He is not the money we think we need so we can feel secure, he is the one who says no system of man can protect us. He is not the manna in the desert and picnics on the beach, he is the Provider of the Mystery. He is not a project to figure out, he is the One we are more known by than we could ever know in return.

Don’t expect only his benefits, Wolfies. Expect only him---and that being nothing we expected.

Pack your boots.

This is my 100th post!
Yay!

Thank you so much, Wolfies. I love you. I love you for reading. I love callling you "Wolfies." This has been such an incredible little journey so far for me; I hope you, too, have enjoyed yourself. But more importantly, my prayer is that you have fallen more in love with Jesus, the one who pursues you. The one who wants to have an "intimate communion" (Tozer) with you. He is the hope. He is the answer.

With all that to be said, I have something to tell you:

I didn't bring boots on this trip.
I know, I know. You are probably as shocked by me as I am disgusted by me. As you should be.
What in the world overtook my mind? Gone for months and brought no boots? Who do I think I am? I have at least two pairs in my car at all times because, as I have said before, you never know where you might have to walk!

Wearing boots while making the Swag and Buckle.

Wearing boots in a Bed and Breakfast.

Wearing boots while traipsing through fields.

Wearing boots while hopping fences.

Wearing boots with a friend in the woods.

Wearing boots in the snow.

Wearing boots with my sister-in-law in a hotel.

I guess I just figured it was the wrong season for boots. It’s supposed to be summer, for crying out loud! Where I live summer=heat and heat does not = boots.
News flash, Bethany. Summer looks different in some parts of the world. Summer= cold, and I know better than anyone that cold should =boots.

I went looking to buy boots and a coat out here, and would you believe it that I could find none? Forget the fact that it’s July. These people live in virtually the Tundra. Shouldn’t there be a section in all clothing stores out here with a sign that reads, “For the Inappropriately Packed Visitor”? Well I think so. My motto in life has been for years (since I fell in love with fur coats), “There is no bad weather, just inappropriate clothing.”

Well maybe I have had a change of mind: there is such a thing as bad weather IF you are unprepared and let’s put this summer under the category of “Being Unprepared.”

And we all know that goes against the Bible.

I never cease to be amazed at how God blindsides me. There I am, walking about my daily life, in my cute little blue suede pumps, when all of the sudden something happens and I get knocked off my feet.

Not literally of course.
That would be embarrassing.
But emotionally.
Like out of nowhere I find myself talking to someone and before I can say “Bob’s-your-uncle” we are trudging through some deep forests of issues. Issues that are muddy and slimy and full of rocks and holes and things you can break your ankle on. And things that I should have boots on for. Things I need to be alert for, prepared if you will. Not blue suede pumps! I couldn’t survive a night in the forest in those shoes!

Is it any wonder then that Paul says to Timothy, “Be prepared in season and out of season. Correct, rebuke, and encourage- with great patience and careful instruction” (II Timothy 4:2)??? NO! See, Paul knew that life has a way of creeping up on you, that ministry opportunities run to those who have answers, that God throws things and people your way weather you are looking for them or not. Whether you have the right spiritual shoes on your feet or not.

I came unprepared because I thought I was out-of-season.

I will never make that mistake again.

Little did I know that boots are never out of season. Issues and people to minister to are around all the time. People have need all the time. God calls us to climb life’s mountains with people all the time. Jesus is the answer all the time even if you didn’t expect this to be the time!

“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have” (I Peter 3:15).

Being prepared is a lifestyle choice and I failed to make the right choice.

Fortunately, and God has proven this to me over and over again, He is the Great Packer. His spirit, his grace, is enough. He has brought with him what I didn’t expect to need. He has given me the words he promises to give (Matthew 10:19-20).

There is no condemnation for those who are walking with Christ, even if you feel you failed someone because you were unprepared. And beautiful are their feet, whether shod with boots or blue suede pumps, if they are bringing the gospel.

But be prepared, kids. God has called us to that. If you are in Christ, you have answers that they need to hear. That some of them will want to hear. Are there lighter days of ministry? Sure. Can blue suede pumps, and the bringing of the gospel in soft, beautiful ways, be appropriate? At times. But always be ready and willing to trudge through life’s thickets with someone. We are the body of Christ. Have your spiritual closets outfitted; whether you think you are in season or not.