"In a Relationship."

Let’s talk relationships today, shall we? As in the boy-girl kind.

My bestie texted me the other day and asked, “Do you ever think about how much we are still like Eve? We’re so far removed, yet we’re still woven out of the same material.”
I wasn’t quite sure what angle she was coming at it from, so I responded, “Hmm. That’s an interesting thought...One thing I think of is that we so easily believe the lie that if we have a great relationship we would be content. But clearly from their life that isn’t true.”
Clever, I know, and she said that was exactly what she was thinking.
I pondered that throughout the day. Is it really true? I wondered. Can I still be like Eve? Can we still be like her? Haven’t we learned yet? Have you ever thought about that?

God made all the earth and then all the animals.

Then God made Adam.
But none of the animals were what Adam needed, so God made Eve; the crown of creation.
“Whoa, man,” you can almost hear Adam say (for isn’t that how we became called Woman? Huh? Let’s be honest….).
And they were perfect.
Adam and Eve were perfect.
They lived in a perfect garden, they had a perfect relationship with God, they had all the food they needed, there was no bad weather, no lions wanted to eat them. And have you ever noticed that there were no other people? Which means that they had never been wounded by anyone, which means that neither Adam nor Eve brought any baggage into their relationship.

Can you imagine? Being in a relationship with someone and neither of you have issues?

 As cliché as it sounds, Eve was the perfect woman, and Adam the perfect man. Everything all of us want or want to be.
But I’m not kidding. They were perfect. LITERALLY. Their relationship was PERFECT.
So what was the issue?

Welcome in the antagonist. The devil himself.

Let me ask you, what did the devil do; how did he cause them problems? Did he kill one of them, leaving one of them alone forever with no children? Did he give them baggage somehow?  Did he bring in another woman so Adam would cheat on Eve?  What was the tension? Did they fight a lot? I mean, aren’t these the things we are told make us unhappy in relationships, i.e. these are the problem areas?

Would you believe that he didn’t change anything about their relationship? He didn’t even change their circumstances.

The devil knew the only thing he needed to know (from personal experience):
Just change how they view God. That’s where the problems start. Take them from trust to doubt.

He was able to make them, the perfect ones in a perfect relationship, enviable of all future people on the planet, discontent.

Let’ back up a second. How is that even possible?

Don’t all of their circumstances added together mean that there shouldn’t have been any problem, because isn’t a perfect relationship the answer to all of our problems? Isn’t that how we are content? Everything in my culture tells me that!

So often I see people, especially those in my age bracket, the 20-somethings, running around like chickens with their heads cut off, all looking for “the one,” or better yet! Most of them are classically and all the time, “In a relationship.” Yet still searching somehow. Still frantic. Still thinking that a relationship, or a better relationship, will make them happy, will settle their heart, will change their life.

Have we not learned anything since the Garden?

See, the thing is that discontentment is the oldest trick in the book.

Satan didn’t have to come in and change their situations or give them baggage to make them discontent. He just had to get them to believe a lie, the same lie he gets us to believe today:
God is holding out on us. There is something better than where I am right now, and God is not giving it to me.

Genesis 3:4 “You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman.

Hold the phone! That in and of itself is enough. He bold-faced said to her that what God had said was not true.

What nerve!
But I fall for it every time.

Verse 5- “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

The devil told her that God was holding out on her.

And that was enough to make her discontent.
See, Adam and Eve had the perfect situation, the perfect relationship, so we can clearly surmise that that is not what makes someone content!

Belief in God at his word is what makes a person content.

But we are just like them! We believe the lie and we push and shove our way into places and relationships we think will make us happy, all the while collecting even more baggage, becoming more cynical in the process, and further giving ourselves evidence that God is, in fact, holding out on us!

He is denying us something we need, we think! Some might even go so far as to say it is something they deserve.
“Hello, God, I’ve been a good Christian! I’ve lived a clean life! I’ve waited! I held up my end of the bargain---your turn!!!” and we shake our fist in his face.
When we make that claim against God, on what grounds, besides our personal feelings, do we think that is true?

Psalm 84:11 No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

I wonder what it would be like if you and I believed that truth more than we believe that he is holding out on us.

To those who are not living a lifestyle of sin (a blameless walk), no good thing does he withhold. Can we surmise then out of all of this that contentment comes not from a perfect relationship or situation (because Adam and Eve had that and it didn’t help them any), but in a firm belief that God will give “good” when it is good for us to have it?

With that lie comes wrongly equating that circumstances, and for those of us who are single- relationship circumstances, will be the key to not looking for other things to fill us. Eve had everything people who are looking for relationships think they are going to find: someone perfect, who doesn’t crowd their life with garbage, and who can live some beautiful life with them somewhere. But the thing is, it didn’t do anything for her.

Why?
Because she is just like you and me. And it wouldn’t do anything for us, either.
I want to know this truth. I have definitely known the lie.

 I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh, but I have to say it. For those of you in dire straits, desperately searching for some relationship to fill a void in you, hear me out in this: EVEN IF YOU FOUND THE PERFECT PERSON (and btw, sorry to tell you this, but that perfect person was ruined thousands of years ago in a garden), CONTENTMENT DOESN’T COME FROM A RELATIONSHIP.

Adam and Eve had the perfect situation/relationship! Did that make them content?
Nope.
Did that keep them out of trouble?
Negative.
Did that help them trust God more?
Not on your life.

We have got to STOP believing the lie that contentment comes from some relationship outside of our relationship with Christ.

That person you’re dating or hope to marry can’t save you.

If there was one thing I noticed the most when I was a wedding planner it is this: most people who are getting married somehow think the person they just exchanged vows with is their savior.

They met, and then they found happiness.

They met, and then their addictions stopped.
They met, and then life had hope again.
They met, and then they had a reason for living.

Standing in the back of those ballrooms, watching so many speeches all saying the same thing, I always shook my head, so discouraged that they had faith wrongly-placed. They thought they had found the springs of life. What a let-down it will be for them when the only thing they will eventually find in that person is a broken well.

For those of us who are, or who have been in the past, running ragged in search for someone to love you, Wolfies, we have got to stop believing that God is somehow holding out on us. What more could he possibly do for us?

Earthly love isn’t a love that can save you, and he already did that! He already gave us the love we need!

 If you take nothing else away from this post, take this: Having anything less than, or apart from, a relationship with Christ is exactly what we deserve. Anything in addition to a life lived with Jesus is gift. Him+Nothing is not God withholding! It’s God granting us more than we should have in the first place.