Not so brilliant.

So I had this brilliant intention to write you this brilliant post a few days before Christmas about how sometimes Christmas isn’t something we look forward to, but then I was overwhelmed by my “brilliant” idea to not do any Christmas shopping for gift-making supplies until two days before I left for Christmas.
Which, of course, means that I didn’t start doing any of that gift-making until the day before I left.
Needless to say, but I will say it still, and I am sure you noticed, I didn’t write you the brilliant post I brilliantly intended to.
But my gifts that DID get made (Huzzah!) were….you guessed it….brilliant.

That being said, in all of my no-Christmas-spirit this year, I didn’t take one single picture of the festivities with my family. But it looked pretty much the same as last year. So you can read this and refresh your memory : )

Another thing to note about Christmas, actually, something to note about any time I am gone from my house for longer than one feeding time, is that the moment I walk back into my house I feel this brute desire to eat an entire head of lettuce in one sitting.

Which is ridiculous. Nevertheless, it happens. And nevertheless, I am looking to see what growing zone I live in to see if my yard is compatible with my ravenous desire for green leafy vegetables.

But see, my immediate family has this tradition that on Christmas Eve we basically gorge ourselves on appetizers. The entire meal—nothing but hors d’oeuvres. Crab dip, cocktail meatballs, 6 different kinds of assorted cheeses, all different kinds of sausages, stuffed mushrooms, garlic cheese bread, taco dip, this is not the end of the list, veggie pizza, baked brie, pigs-in-a-blanket, deep fried mozzarella sticks, and then to finish it off we have trays and trays of Amish Christmas candy and bowls of trail mix and dessert popcorn.

And don’t forget birthday cake for Jesus.

Excessive much?

I couldn’t agree more. But it’s pretty much the only tradition we have for any time of the year (well there is this other traditional family meal that, if we are all together in the summer, we make. How is my entire family life centered around food?). And even though I made this deal with myself to only take ONE of each thing, which I succeeded in, it still was more food than I needed—and forget needed—it was more food than I wanted to eat all week.

But now you see then how my eating an entire head of lettuce doesn’t seem so out of place.

Anyway, I am home again for a few days and thus you get a blog post. But I have this resolution and I will tell it to you before the first of the year: To blog at least 6 times a month.
Wolfies! That is so exciting! You will be hearing from me so often! And I really have lots of great tid-bits ruminating in my mind, from things like inheritance, to everlasting loves, to why women in France don't gain weight, to a discussion on gender, to, no doubt, me regaling you with all kinds of adventurous tales that involve no less than God's plans that surprised me out of the blue and probably a segment on imported scarves and Teddy Roosevelt or Julia Child.
Now how is that for an, albeit, belated “Merry Christmas” to you?!?!
Stay tuned : )

Sorry this was all so random.

I think the truth of the matter is that right now I feel like my brain and my life are running all over the place and I am rendered powerless to say, “No.”

And, can I tell you, it’s paralyzing.

Does anyone else struggle with this? This almost inability to say “No”?
And what is it? Is it this fear of being left out? Of missing the boat? Of not being in the right place at the right time? Of not being in the house that has the “open doors”? Of disobeying God?

I have no idea, for frankly, I haven’t had time to think about it.

And I can have the best intentions to remain totally calm and keep my mind organized and get up when my alarm goes off and not drink so much coffee and lean on Him for continual peace and say, “No, I am sorry I can’t help you with that,” but then…well…then I see the need. Or then I see the benefit that XYZ will bring to someone who needs a benefit. And then my sometimes-I-fear-too-hard-of-a-heart starts to really feel some semblance of compassion for someone or whatever and, before I can decline my third serving of coffee I have said, “Yes, I would love to help you. And while you’re at it, pour me another cup.”

It’s this constant battle in me between the world’s need and my daily, necessary life.

And, sorry. I have no brilliant words of wisdom pertaining to this issue tonight.

Because…well… I hadn’t even thought I was going to write this until I sat down.
But all I can think to leave you with is this: God knows. God knows what you should do. He knows what you should say “Yes” to and what we most definitely should say “No” to.
If there is one thing I know it is that God is a talker. He loves to talk. He will talk.
If we are still enough to listen.

Love you, Wolfies. A belated Merry Christmas to you.