Insecurity {A Journal Entry}

While disclaimers are not really my thing, I will make a slight disclaimer right now. Today’s topic may come very close to home for some people, and goodness knows it was close to me for a long time. I hope this entry does a little shaking of your thoughts, and maybe counters some beliefs you might not have even known you believe.
This is journal entry which comes from my personal time with the Lord. I am struck by the words in II Corinthians 2 when Paul says that we are not unaware of the devil’s schemes, because honestly, sometimes I do feel like I am unaware. Like when I realize I am holding two conflicting beliefs in my head, accepting them both as truth or unavoidable realities, never thinking that while one is true, the other is actually a lie. Yes, sometimes I am too unaware.
 Introduction and disclaimer out of the way, today let’s have a little dialogue on the subject of insecurity.

{Begin Journal Entry}

On my almost daily bike ride today I hit the road and breathed a sigh. My morning was spent with women I know well. Women I have been and should be comfortable with. So then, why the sigh?
Why did my being by myself in the middle of nowhere come as a relief? There shouldn’t have been any tension in me.
As I was pedaling I realized that I had been feeling insecure. Wondering if I was OK, too much, too showy. Feeling the need to prove that I really had been doing and still was doing something with my life.
You know, when I am by myself, I like me. I don’t question me. I don’t have to explain myself. I am not insecure when I am just by myself.
Insecurity. Hmmm. What an interesting concept.

There was a pause in my thought.
“Insecurity isn’t actually real, is it, Lord? There is no such thing as insecurity. It’s all a lie. A scheme.”
The term “insecurity” in itself implies that one has the ability to not be secure.
But when, in the history of all mankind, has a person not stood, ever so secure, in one camp or another? And it’s as simple as that. The Bible is very clear that there are in fact ONLY two potential camps.
There are believers in Jesus Christ. And there are non-believers in Jesus Christ (I John 5:11-12. And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have his life).
And what are some basic truths about the only two camps?

Believers

Loved By God.
In Communion with God.
Holy Spirit in you.
Eternity Secured in Heaven.
Free Gift of God Received.
Due Punishment transferred to Jesus.

Non-Beleivers
Loved By God.
Not in communion with God.
Holy Spirit Not in you.
Eternity secured in total eternal destruction, where but for the grace of God calling you to his Son, will be your end.
Free gift of God thus far rejected.
Punishment in waiting due to rejection of truth.

I am sure I could go on and on. Notice that all is true and secure in the non-believers’ column apart from one caveat that could change things (i.e. the accepting of the grace of God through Jesus’ substitutionary atonement and surrendering your life to Jesus’ rule), in which IF changed they would then be securely launched into the other camp.

So all people, all the time, across centuries and nations and cultures, are securely in one camp or the other, which makes the concept that INSECURITY is possible completely false.
I am not (nor is anyone) insecure. I never have been, nor ever will be, because IT. IS. NOT. POSSIBLE.
What in the world then are all of these feelings?

If they are not based in truth, and they most of the time do not happen when I am by myself, but rather when I am with people, what is it about people that makes someone feel insecure?
It’s based on opinions. Their opinions. Of me, in particular.
Insecurity is felt when people’s opinions are valued. And not just valued, but valued more than the truth. The truth in those columns.
See, I can feel insecure about how I look. I can feel insecure about my performance, or feeling as if there is a lack in my performance, or feeling as if I failed, but does any of that change any truth about me? Does it affect any one of those things on that list? Can I make Jesus love me less, will the Holy Spirit be removed from me, did I all of the sudden not receive God’s grace? Can anything I do change the truth?
Nope.
Absolutely not.
So if truths cannot be changed, then all insecurities I feel about said things are based, not in truth (which cannot be changed because it is SECURE), but in opinions. And ONLY—the opinions of others. Not God’s opinions. God’s opinion of me does not change.
I can’t do anything to gain or lose his love. I can grieve the Holy Spirit, but those are all based on SPIRITUAL things, not on the external things, which is where my insecurities lie.
Feelings of insecurity which have no basis in truth (for where a person stands is WHERE THEY STAND) come when I value someone’s opinion of me more than the truth of how God sees me.

The book of Galatians speaks a lot about this.

Galatians 1:6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel.
*And a different gospel, a different set of truths, is no gospel, is no truth at all.

Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
*It’s like he is saying, “What? Am I going to tell you what you want to hear just to please you, or am I going to tell you the truth? If I tell you what you want—or change my gospel—I am no longer a servant of Christ. I will live to please God before trying to please you.”

Galatians 2:4 …some false brothers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves.
*See, freedom is not a natural thing; freedom only comes in Christ. And people who are not free hate those who are. They want us to be slaves with them.

VS 5. We did not give into them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might remain with you.
*The un-free, the bound, the insecure ones, want to give me a different gospel. A different truth. An insecurity.

VS 6. As for those who seemed to be important—whatever they were makes no difference to me; God does not judge by external appearances.
*The “important ones” can make false judgments. Those whose opinions “matter” still can’t judge the heart—so even their opinions can be wrong! How exhausting to base your life and “security” on unsound judgments! Whose opinions mean anything now??!?!

Galatians 2:12-14a Before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group. The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray. When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel…
*Peter was afraid of THEIR OPINION! The opinion of those who belonged to the circumcision---the “right” ones. His insecurities changed his ministry to the Gentiles because he was afraid what the wrongly-judgmental would think of him. What a loss!! What a waste of time!
Having those feelings was “not acting in line with the truth of the gospel.” The truth he wasn’t in line with was that GOD JUDGES, and Gentiles need Jesus, which is the base of all ministry.

2:20 The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
*How can one feel insecure!?!? Not only is every human SECURELY WHERE THEY ARE, the I, one counted among the believers, have been loved with an everlasting love and DIED FOR!!!

VS 16. Know that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ.
*A life lived in a faith that justifies, placed in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me, leaves no room for insecurity, and no legitimate place for valuing someone else’s potentially wrong opinion.

Now that is big time, kids.

Schemes are real.

Insecurity is fake.

Hey devil, I’m onto you. Your schemes aren’t going to work anymore. I am no longer unaware.