When we have more time.

I am not ready to go to bed yet.

It’s 10:30 p.m., I just got done working out, and I am feeling the same sentiment I do almost every day at this time: I am not ready for this day to be over.

When asked what my superpower would be if I could have one, the person who is questioning usually gives me a weird look and says, “That’s not a superpower!” Sure it is. I just told you that my superpower of choice would be the ability to not have to sleep. And there isn’t a human on the planet who can do that, therefore, it is a power that is super. Also known as a superpower. While this story is entirely true and, admitted, faintly odd, I do not find myself in the crowds of those who love to sleep. It has never been a hobby. To me it’s like brushing my teeth and working out and washing my hair: it is not something I like to talk about, it’s not a pass-time, it’s just something I do because I have to and then I move on with my day. Case closed.

The thought, then, that I have to end each day by sleeping, by wasting 7 hours just so I can get through the next 17 once my feet hit the floor, is such a bother. Did you know that if you sleep 8 hours a day by the time you are 60 you will have slept for 20 years?

TWENTY. YEARS.

Down the tubes.

How did I get on this tangent?

Oh yes, I am not ready to go to bed yet. I feel like there is still so much to do today before I go back to the daily grind tomorrow.

Why is it that I feel that way? Did I not get accomplished today all I wanted to?

There may be a little truth in that. I started projects today, I did not finish them. And I am a finisher. But, all good reasons aside, why did I not FINISH my projects today, or why do I not on any given day? What am I doing instead?

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I spend my time. What I am giving large parts of my life to. If roughly 1/3 of my life is already given to sleep (blast!), then I only have 2/3 of my life left for living. Give half of THAT time to work, etc. and there isn’t much time left, kids.

And I don’t even HAVE kids!

I hear it all the time, I have said it a few times, too, “Well I am just so busy! When I have more time then I will get around to it.”

I have decided that this is false for at least two reasons.

1.       You never get more time. You always sleep roughly 1/3 of your life. It’s just a fact.

2.       Drastic life-altering aside, if you don’t do something when you are busy, you won’t do it when you have more time.

How do I know this? Because I am a living example of it on many levels!

For instance, I have even heard people say that they will devote more time to their relationship with the Lord when they GET more time, or get a job with a better schedule, or finish school, or whatever their reason is for not giving him time. I don’t think that’s true. If you don’t give Him time now, honey, you never will. As a wedding planner, every Saturday in the summer is somewhere between a 14-16 hour work day for me. But Jesus still gets one full hour, every morning. I don’t care how much sleep I didn’t get, or how many cups of coffee it took to get me out the door, he gets one hour. Because he told me he needs at least an hour. I find it ironic, then, that if I have days off those are the days that usually suffer the most in our relationship. Rather than knowing on work days that I have to spend my time with him before I walk out the door at a specific hour, I think, “I have all day!! I will do it later.” But that never happens and it usually turns out to be a bad day; I don’t do well without my Jesus time, let’s just put it that way. As Francis Chan would say, “Don’t throw God a bone by giving him the last 15 minutes you have left.” God isn’t dumb, he knows he is not priority to you if he is not priority to you. We make time for what’s important; there is no other way to say it. It’s just like generosity: If you aren’t generous when you’re poor, you won’t be generous when you’re rich.

On another level of me knowing about allotting time, why else do lists for days off usually take about 14 days off to get completed? It’s most likely NOT because the list was just that long, I simply find other stuff to do.

And it’s that “other stuff” that has got me thinking. Whatever it is, that is what must be important to me, because THAT is how I am spending my precious and ever-decreasing free time.

I can say all these good things about what I value in life, but I half way think I only half-way believe half of what I am saying.

Did you get lost in that phrase? Yeah, me too.

What it means is: If the whole list of things I value was true and not just good things to have on the list, some things might be getting done around here.

Or in me. But they are not, so what is going on?

I don’t really have a Bucket List. I don’t think I need one. I like to think I am too spontaneous for that. But maybe I need an actual list of things I actually value. Then I can evaluate my time and try to figure out why on earth days get spent the way they do.

None of this is earth-shattering, I know, but I guess I will ask you the question I am asking myself:

How are you spending your time? Is it on things you actually value? Do they have any significance for anything, let alone your relationship to Jesus at all? If not, then why in the world are you doing them? Why in the world am I doing them? Why in the world are we doing them?

Here is a little picture from a photoshoot a few summers ago that I valued highly. And in the blazing 95 degree, 95% humidity July day, I looked very quizzical. I imagine I am pondering what the sum of my life is. And what ever possessed me to value this shoot so much to be outside in this blasted heat.

If you have any great captions of what those ponderings might be saying, feel free to comment.

J